The Scott's Adoption Journey

I'm holding him now

2010-12-02T14:44:00.006-05:00

Taye had a fall in church a few weeks ago. Dan chronicles it here and I tell my version here.

The day it happened Taye didn't complain about the pain. The day after, however, the pain and swelling really set in.

Pain relievers weren't doing much to make Taye feel better, and after waking up from a nap he was quite sobby, clingy, and moaned, "My eye hurt", continuously. I finally stopped what I was doing and grabbed an ice pack out of the freezer, covered it in a washcloth and plopped Taye in my lap gently holding the ice pack on his wound. I covered both of us in a super soft blanket so we could be "cozy" and started rocking and cooing mommyisms quietly in his ear.

I was so intensely struck by this moment as he burrowed into me and I felt his muscles relax, his breathing slow down and even out. It was the first time I was getting to tend to a serious discomfort he was experiencing, where nothing else seemed to help but me: Mom.

I had to hold back the tears as I smelled Taye's distinct (mostly hair product) smell and watched his impossibly long eyelashes twitter. His big-eyed blinks got longer and longer, and his eyes shut then popped back open again a few seconds later. I listened to his nose whistle just a little bit as he breathed and heard his tiny tummy rumbles.

Realizing I had missed out on all these smells, sights, and sounds in his infancy, I began to return to that "dark place", where I grieve hard for a lot of things related to the circumstances of Taye's life.

But some words came to me that stopped me from slipping into that void.

"You're holding him now."

Instantly my instinct to wallow in anguish was turned to an insatiable desire to savor the magic of this moment.

I didn't want anything to interrupt us. I mentally deigned the older three kids to stay quiet and remain in the basement watching a show. I willed my phone not to ding or buzz. The doorbell not to ring. Even my husband not to come home from work. Not yet. I wanted to stretch every second of these short minutes and ponder the happenstances of every tick and tock permanently into my heart.

I inhaled Taye's scents deeply. I listened to every crackle, gurgle, whistle, and sigh. I counted each breath as he breathed in and out. I didn't even want to blink as I sat enraptured by his fluttering lashes, watching his lids open and close, learning his pattern. I got to know my son a little better. I was gifted a few short minutes to travel back in time and know him as a baby as we clung to each other weathering his injury together.

And though I hated that he was hurt and suffering, I realize that heaven had granted me the irretrievable gift of those few revelatory minutes.

Fall 2010

2010-10-20T09:38:00.002-04:00

It's been so quiet here on the blog. I promise you, it's NOT quiet here in our home. And that's not a bad thing. We've been busy just being a family and enjoying the rhythm that the schoolyear provides us after a summer FULL of lower level rennovation and road tripping. A rhythm that doesn't resemble anything akin music at all because it's so chaotic, but at least there are a few routine events that happen each week that provide some consistency for us. (Liam is in 2nd grade, Elli attends Kindergarten all day Mon, Wed, and Fri mornings, Addi preschool Mon, Wed & Fri 12:30-2:55. MOPS every other Thursday morning, ballet & soccer Thursday nights & Saturday mornings, church on Sun... Yeah, it's a logistical nightmare. Good thing I have 1/2 a Master's in Management...it helps me keep us all in the right place at the right time...most of the time!)

We thoroughly enjoyed ArtPrize downtown in Grand Rapids (here's Taye with a pretty awesome "simba"). Who would have ever thought this little boy would enjoy the luxury of viewing art while being wheeled about in a stroller wearing an Elmo jacket?

When I think about how healthy Taye is, get a "no cavities" and "my he has beautiful, white teeth" from the dentist, or happen upon an old picture of him hollow and emaciated it often brings me to tears to think that it's a miracle that he's here and that he's ours. Forever.

It has been WON-DER-FUL passing the one year mark and starting to re-do activities. Like, "remember when we picked blueberries last year?" Or "last year on your birthday we...". You have no idea how having missed out on almost the first two years of Taye's life finally having some "history" is such a healthy and exuberant feeling for us. It's still heartwrenching to look at our famliy photo albums and have Taye ask "where baby Taye? Where my baby pictures?" Oh, little boy, please know that we loved you before we even knew you!

Taye's behavior has improved leaps and bounds. I think communication, trust, consistency, and bonding has had a very big part to play in this. Just when we're beginning to think we're "getting somewhere" with him, it seems like he goes into a "funk" and reverts for a while. But the "funks" seem to be fewer and far betweenerer, and last a little less long. It really is amazing how when we give an inch he tries to take a million miles, and by the same token how far a little love peppered with patience will go.

All four of our kids are amazing. Our family, that God intentionally put together, is truly a wonderful work. A work in progress, to be sure.

The sibs

2010-07-18T12:48:00.007-04:00

This day last year, three excited children (and lots of awesome family members who journeyed from far & near to support us through this whole process and care of our kids while we were traveling) waited at the airport to welcome home their little brother. Weilding hand-made paper doll strings 6 persons long representing our complete family, they waited as best as kids can wait at the airport.

Then there you were--all eyeing each other, not quite sure what to make of it all.

Taye took a look and tried to take it all in, but it was a little overwhelming all that had happened in just a few short days.

Now, one year later, it's like he's always been one of the gang. "The meeting" is a memory--and one we're so glad is captured on film for us to remember forever (THANK YOU KARA!).

This day one year ago was the beginning of a history that still has many chapters yet to be written. Liam, Elli, Addi & Taye, you are truly a fabulous foursome, we love each and every one of you!

One year ago today...

2010-07-14T09:12:00.004-04:00

We first laid eyes on you.

We first held you in our arms.

We first saw you smile when we gave you your first pair of your very own shoes.

It was a forever hello tinged with a forever goodbye. May you always know that you were and are wanted, loved, and meant to be one of us.

Spreads

2010-06-30T09:53:00.010-04:00

Since we're coming up on a 1 year post-adoption report, we need to have current height/weigh measurements for Taye. I decided to weigh and measure each of the kids so no one felt left out. Here's what I found:

Liam (7 yrs) weighs 50 pounds and is 49 inches tall. Liam is tall and slim, but very solid.

Ellison (5 1/2 yrs) weighs 35 pounds and is 42 1/2 inches tall. Elli definitely has my pre-baby svelt figure: she's whispy like a little feather.

Addison (4 yrs) weighs 32 pounds and is 38 1/2 inches tall. Addi is short and curvaceous--we have no idea where her pudgy little figure (or dimple) comes from!

Taye (2 1/2 yrs) weighs 26 pounds and is 36 inches tall. Taye weighs and is about the same height that he was 6 months ago, but he is filled out and his skin and hair look fabulous. We are thankful for every bit of growth and every ounce of health our family enjoys.

A dialogue in two parts

2010-05-26T08:49:00.007-04:00

by Jenna

Yesterday during lunch, Taye stopped eating all of a sudden and this interchange took place.

Taye: Mah.

Me: Yes, Taye?

Taye: (pointing to self) I home.

Me: (fighting back tears) That's right, buddy. You're home.

All I really need...

2010-04-28T21:20:00.005-04:00

Went to my eldest daughter's spring sing last night. Little did I know that one of the children's songs (by Raffi) would touch my heart:

"All I really need is a song in my heart,

food in my belly,

and love in my family.

All I really need is a song in my heart,

and love in my family."

Sitting between my mom and my grandmother, watching the fourth generation of the girls in my family singing with animated expression, with a little boy from halfway around the world standing on his Pop-Pop's lap proudly pointing at his sister Elli and knowing another very newly Ethiopiadoptive family was sitting two rows behind me crashed all over me and brought me to tears.

We have it so good. We have all we need. AND MORE. And now so does my little guy.

9 months

2010-04-18T10:59:00.004-04:00

We didn't have to do a 9 month adoption report, but it's definitely a milestone that has caused me to reflect on our journey nonetheless. To step to the next stage of healing from mourning the painful realities that that led to our adopting Taye, and to celebrate the richness and joy our mix of six is.

We've been home with Taye for 9 months. We are probably more exhausted than we've ever been. Parenting 4 kids, the youngest of whom came to us fully functioning, mobile, and oozing with about 20 times more needy-ness than a newborn has sought to test and tax us to our limits. And then stretched us some more. We thought we were pretty good people, until Taye exposed us to the fact that we still have quite a long way to go. So thankful for his mirror because I don't want to be content in who I am. I want to be more.

Often I ask God why He chose this child and this path for me, for us, for our family. And I am constantly reminded that God will not give me more than I can handle. Once I re-set my mind to that realization, take a minute to bask in the fact that He made me stronger and more able to handle a calling that most people would never be able to manage, I have a little more wind in my sails. Knowing the original adoptive parent is my model and encouragement makes me able to head right back at it with confidence I would not otherwise have.

We have friends in various stages of their adoption processes--thinking about it, praying about it, being educated, filling out paperwork, waiting for a referral, travelling to pick up their little one, newly home from the hospital with their gift baby etc. and I'm guardedly excited while silently in dread for them because I know both sids of what is headed their direction. Rollercoaster seems like a tame metaphor for what actually happens in the real post-adoption days, weeks, months and (I've heard) years.

Growing your family is never without joy and never without pain. I've just never experienced this particular flavor of either before, so it's all a new experience to me.

A fellow ministry wife asked me, "would you recommend that everyone adopt?" I tried to respond graciously with, "it's definitely a calling, and not everyone has the same calling." On the inside I was screaming "adoption is NOT to be taken lightly and done on a whim without full consent and support of the entire family!" In our experience growing our family biologically, while challenging due to increasingly horrendous bouts of PPD with each successive child, was a thousand times more natural and "easy" (and less expensive) of a transition than the adoption process has been. But this was our first time. And I think we've done pretty darn good with all that was thrown at us.

Two words that typify our family are love and change. They are both constants in our lives. And I thank God that for us, each catalyzes the other rather than opposes the other. That being said, when our oldest child prays at dinnertime that maybe we can adopt a child from Kenya next, we are not shocked, but relieved that our kids don't seem to be fazed by the craziness we've thrown into their lives, but actually thinking about and anticipating the possibility of taking part in it again. (breathe, Jenna, breathe...it's *just* a possibility...)

I am amazed by each of my children. They are currently having a screaming/dance party in my eldest son's bedroom. There are not 4 kids who enjoy being with each other more than my gang. I'm most intrigued by Taye because he literally doesn't know me from the inside-out like my other 3 have, and my not knowing his origins or the first few years of his life have set me at a huge disadvantage for understanding him and knowing how to react, respond to, and mother him.

But we are making progress every day. It's getting easier. I thank God that it feels like he's always been with us--he's just missing in a bunch of our old photographs and digital pics because he was halfway around the globe. It's just getting him all caught up on us and building history with him that we can't rush and have to bide our time as it happens. I have a feeling that by summer next year, when he's been with us as long as he hasn't, we'll be in a very different place than we are right now. And although I'm looking forward to it, I'm trying not to rush and looking for essences to savor in these everydays that we have to get through before we get "there".

Life is a journey, not a destination.

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I would contend that LOVE is too. A journey, not a destination.

Lord, help me to journey well.

Thoughts on parenting our adopted child

2010-02-17T10:07:00.006-05:00

This morning I put Taye in his room and told him to play with some toys while I took a shower. He stayed in there without complaining one bit and played.

When I was done showering I heard him saying, "Mah, I happy" (as in, I want to come out of my room).

I replied, "Just a few more minutes little man, mommy's getting dressed, OK?"

The next thing I knew, he was standing outside my door fully dressed (as in fresh underpants, pair of jeans, and shirt) holding his "bamas" (pajamas) saying, "look!". I gave him a high five, told him I was so proud of him for getting himself dressed all by himself, and smiled with joy as he headed to the laundry chute to put his pajamas in.

Seriously, how FAR we've come with this little guy. (Just look at the utter joy on his face! And it's not because of the chocolate cake he's eating, it's because he's playing peek-a-boo with one of his most favorite people on the planet. Which totally stumps me because as the boot camp instructor who wields what seems like constant scoldings, discipline, re-training, re-directing, "no-no's" and in moments of weakness yelling, I think he actually likes me!)

I am still trying to reconcile the "training him up in the way HE should go" part of parenting this special little guy. His firstborn, only child tendencies are so potently ingrained in him, yet in our family he's the "baby", and #4 in the lineup. These factors alone have contributed to quite a few bumps in the road for us all.

This parenting stuff sure isn't easy. And I fully recognize that I have been given everything it takes to do it well, otherwise I wouldn't have been given this calling. God will not give me more than I can handle, I just have to keep turning to Him every time I am floundering and let Him do what He does best without getting in the way.

I've never more fully understood how much God must ache when I react badly, act out, make poor choices, wall myself off, pout, lash out at someone else when I'm really just trying to work through something within myself that is broken or hurting, feign injury, throw a temper tantrum etc. than I have thanks to Mr. T. I'm sure apologizing to God a lot more, and a whole lot more grateful that, despite my issues and baggage, God always loves me, He chose me and sacrificed so, so, so much to make sure that I am part of His family with all the priveleges and benefits that entails. Trust me, it's blowing me right out of the water.

I've gotten new insight into the unfathomableness of God's character. This adoption thing isn't naturally instinctual. At least it's not for me. I've had to work at it. I think that's why adoption agencies require classes, training, instruction, support groups and lots and lots of reading. It's expected that you're going to be flummoxed, frustrated, confused, have questions and doubts, and be discouraged at times.

Not God. He's always totally loving. Not talking Himself into loving us. Not walking away when we won't look at Him, or when we look at Him with hatred and disdain, or when we blame Him for the circumstances we are in.

I'm trying to be more like Him in this regard with parenting my child who has lived another life, likely riddled with more challenges in his short months than we will ever face in our entire lifetimes, for longer than I've even known him. Giving up my own agenda for the higher calling of love.

As American as a pizza pie

2010-01-13T13:24:00.003-05:00

The other day Taye said, "Look! Mah, Mick-uh Mowwwwws" and pointed to his pajama shirt. I said, "yes, that's Mickey Mouse--good job Taye."

The he said, "Look! Mah, ball."

My heart sunk.

Yes, he was pointing at a soccer ball. Yes, he had said the right word, and I should have leaped for joy. But on the inside it was like someone had pushed my "pause" button, and instantly I was so sad. Why? Because he didn't call it a "watt-tee"--the Ethiopian word he has used for the 6 months that we have known him for all things round and ballish.

It's hard to explain. We're so excited that he's talking so much. That he knows hundreds of words, and is speaking in sentences. Even stringing two sentences together at a time. HUGE progress from the incessant screaming and total of about 15 words just 3 short months ago.

But there's a piece of me that's sad that he's already giving up the handful of Ethiopian words he used and preferring the English versions instead.

So, whether or not rightly, I responded, "yes, we call that a ball, but remember in Ethiopia you called a ball a "watt-tee". You can call it a ball or a "watt-tee".

He's calling things by their "American" names more often than not, and there's a little piece of me that is really, really sad about that.

Juxtapose these feelings with how hard we are working to get to the point where we can apply for his US citizenship, and it is no wonder there are days that find me a confounded mess of conflicting emotions.

Taye takes us to school

2010-01-05T19:56:00.011-05:00

Taye's first Christmas with us was fabulous. The details of the day are ours to cherish and remember, but there was one...or five...incident(s) I just have to share.

Not sure whether it was the excitement of the day, being distracted by lots of new toys, or what, but our potty-trained little guy peed his pants five times on Christmas Day. After the second accident, we were taking him to the bathroom every 30 minutes to help him avoid having any more accidents.

Finally on the fifth time, we decided we had had it. We went through the drill...explaining where we go to the bathroom, where we DON'T go to the bathroom, etc... And since we had basically run out of pants (and socks...and shoes...) and had practically a full load of wee-wee'd on laundry to do, we decided that Taye would spend the rest of the day without pants, running around in a sweatshirt and underwear so he would be able to feel when he was *going* and hopefully avoid any more un-Christmas-like .

Let me pause to tell you that since day 1 with Taye, he has understood pretty much everything we have said to him. That is why we carefully explain everything to him. He is one smart little dude.

About 15 minutes after the no-pants decree was issued, I looked up to see my little boy running down the hallway wearing a sweatshirt around his waist with one of his legs through one of the arms of the shirt.

What else could we do but laugh? (And of course, grab a camera!) Taye understood everything that we told him about having no more pants to wear because he had gone potty in all of them. And I think he also fully picked up on the inference that pants are a privelege for kids who keep them dry. So, being the resourceful and sassy little stinker that he is, he decided to take the lesson we were trying to teach him and remind us that we have not yet graduated either.

And remind us that although he may not talk pretty, he ain't stupid.

Lesson learned, Taye. Lesson learned. We will be upping our game, son.

I love having 4 kids that are filled to the brim (and even sometimes overflowing) with spunk. Trust me when I say, there is NEVER a dull moment around here!

Little punk.

Christmas is...

2009-12-23T14:18:00.002-05:00

6 months

2009-12-18T20:32:00.004-05:00

Dan and I are working on writing Taye's 6 month post-adoption report.

I'm not sure why, as someone who loves to write, I do not enjoy writing these reports at all. I'm almost annoyed at having to write it, but all in all it's a good thing that we are required to do it.

It is with amazement that I write things like, "Taye is a great sleeper". Remember how Dan used to have to sit in his room holding T's hand through the slats of his crib until he fell asleep? Then daily inching farther and farther from the crib toward the door, then sitting in the hallway still in his sight? Well, not anymore. One verse of our special "night-night, sleep tight" song, we kiss his cheek then he kisses ours, lay him down in the crib and boom, we're done! Amazing how far we've come.

I have no idea who reads these reports, and how much of what we write gets lost in translation from English to Amharic.

The exercise of writing these reports is good for us. It helps us see that even in the dailyness of life and even in the midst of frustration with things beyond our control, we are making great progress.

Our goal is to get this report done and mailed off before Christmas so we can settle back and enjoy our first holiday as a family of 6 without a report requiring measurements, assessments, narrative, photos and captions looming over our heads.

We're kind of to the point where we're beyond him being adopted, he's just ours. He's just part of our family. So still having to do adoption stuff is starting to feel cumbersome and a little irksome. It feels weird to be reminded that he's adopted when we don't feel like he is.

six sox

2009-12-02T08:44:00.005-05:00

Finally.
We are a full-fledged family of six.

Last year we hung a "place holder", tiny blue stocking for the little boy we were in the process of adopting, but at that point we were simply a family with a number waiting in line.

My friend, Amelia, knitted our sixth stocking and matched it perfectly. She did it in less than a week, too. Totally amazing she is, and I'm amazed by her generosity to volunteer her time and skills for the job. I'll bet you can't guess which one it is, she's THAT good.

This morning Taye woke up, went potty, then went into the living room and plopped himself in front of our rather rotund tree. He just sat and stared and smiled. (note: this is significant because he usually wakes up and immediately wants milk and about 4 bowls of cereal)

We are enjoying Taye's first (among other things) Christmas and the wonderment his first time for everything brings to our family. Yes, even *gulp* the broken ornaments feel good because they're a small price to pay for our incredible gift.

Baby's first Christmas

2009-11-22T21:27:00.003-05:00

I was searching high and low for a Christmas ornament for Taye's first Christmas with our family, and was having a hard time finding just the right one. Until I was struck with the inspiration to look on etsy.

We found this ornament, which is not only perfect (and has Matthew 18:5 on the back) but also helps another family pay for their Ethiopian adoption. You can read their story here or better yet shop and help them bring home their little guy. It's a win-win-win! YAY!

Priceless, YES. Free, NO.

2009-11-06T12:30:00.006-05:00

A fellow adoptive mom has been posting adoption facts on Facebook to help educate the masses during November, which is National Adoption Awareness month.

Today's fact: The cost of an international adoption is approx. $25k-40k and takes approx. 1.5 years to complete (depending on the country.) Most Children adopted internationally are under 5 years of age.

I commented that Taye's adoption fell into all 3 of those categories.She responded that theirs did as well (especially the $ part) and asked how many grants we had applied for and if we received any.

Now folks, I know that often talking about money is taboo, but when it comes to adoption your life is pretty much an open book. People feel free to ask you questions about anything and everything. Sometimes people are even so bold as to ask *gasp* how much it costs.

If I have learned one thing through this process, it is that when God wants an adoption to take place, He will provide the means necessary. Our process has been nothing short of a financial miracle. We received no assistance, no grants, and are not eligible for any of the adoption tax credit. We live on a single income from full time ministry.

That means that God has worked miracles to make our adoption happen. We were able to sell some household items, do a few extra speaking engagements, and were given items to sell for a fundraiser to help with our costs. More than that, we were amazed as checks rolled in from family, friends, and even complete strangers. Every step of the way when a bill was due, somehow we had the money to pay it.

All that to say, glory be to God. Thank you to those of you whose hearts were moved and listened to the stirring of the Holy Spirit and decided to do something about it by giving.

Do you know anyone who is adopting? If you can think of anyone--even if they are a remote acquaintance, do right by them and write a check. Whether it's $25 or whether it's $500, you are now aware of how much an adoption costs and therefore privileged to be able to help.

When we were most discouraged in our process or the numbers were not adding up, that is the time a check would arrive in the mail bringing us a renewed sense of hope, thankfulness to God, and restoring our faith in the goodness of people and their generosity--especially in tough economic times.

Dan often says, "he's as much our child as he is yours" because of how many people felt led to help us complete our journey to Taye.

Now that we've sent our FINAL payment to the 0% interest loans we were gifted (thank you ABBA Fund and Pathways for Little Feet), we are excited to be back in the position to be fiscally encouraging to fellow-adopting families.

Simple things: a bath

2009-10-21T12:25:00.001-04:00

We took this inflatable duck tub to Ethiopia to bathe Taye in (they only have sinks or showers there). We brought it home and kept using it so we could bathe him separately from everyone else in case he had any parasites/rashes/bugs, etc. Good thing we did because he tested positive for giardia. Until he has enough negative tests, we will continue to bathe him in the duck. (This involves thoroughly sanitizing his ducky tub, bath toys, and the bathtub every time we give him a bath)

The most challenging part of bathing Taye is taking good care of his hair. First we lather with “Dark and Lovely” shampoo.

Next we have to comb or pick through his hair to try to get out tangles or snarls.

Apparently we need to lather once more (I think it feels good to rub his head after all the pulling from combing out his super gnarly curls)

Rinse. (He really IS smiling here—just another of Taye’s “funny faces”)

Next up: Product!

We “schmear” this kid with lotion from heat to toe. Literally.

Pick through the hair yet again.

Rub on some “Africa’s Best” hair oil.

Then we goof off a little bit. Mommy cannot WAIT until he can pull off the pick-in-hair look!

Finally, we are “all done”!

…and I’m exhausted.

Thankfully we only have to do the bathing/hair washing part twice a week.

3 months

2009-10-21T08:41:00.009-04:00

We're finally starting to experience the "language explosion" everyone told us would knock our socks off. My socks are still quite on, but Taye is finally beginning to mimic our words, try his best to explain things to us (although 95% of the time we have no idea what he's saying, we definitely encourage all the intense chatter complete with hand motions he uses when he puts his mind to communicating something to us), and add a word or two daily to his little repertoire. We're also experiencing the "normal" challenges that come with his newfound language--such as we tell Taye to do something and he uses his words to tell us "no" while also shaking his head back and forth. Taye also spends a lot of time in timeout.

I'm going to give him another week or two before deciding whether or not he needs another stool test to see whether or not we've finally conquered the giardia bug. I was discouraged that he had lost some weight (down to 23 1/2 pounds from his previous 24) when we took him to the doctor's office for his second round of vaccinations and flu mist. I'll be very happy to add dairy back into his diet and start packing on those ounces and dare I dream pounds?

I've seen some great advances in socialization. Although he turns up the decibels on the scream chart when I drop him off to nursery or Moppets, that is such a good sign of attachment and bonding. I have not been called out of church/MOPS at all to come get him (Liam never made it longer than 20-30 min when he was a baby) and his caregivers assure me he settles down and enjoys himself. This is a huge relief.

We've tried to teach Taye to put his hand out and say "stop" when something is upsetting him rather than hitting. And sometimes I think he is over-using his new-found "weapon", but I'll take that over the previous hitting, spitting, and biting any day.

Taye is a CHAMP at learning routine and picks up kinesthetic things super fast. He dresses himself, puts his dirty clothes in the laundry chute, dirty dishes in the dishwasher, climbs into his car seat by himself, and is getting better at brushing his own teeth. He runs around with his siblings frustrated only that he's not as big or fast as they are and that he's not able to do all the same things they are doing.

I'm able to put him down for an afternoon nap and walk away. Occasionally there's still a whimper and cry, but a reminder that I'm here and that it's naptime and he is to go to sleep quietly now does the trick. The nighttime routine is all Dan, who still chooses to sit in his room with him. Personally, I think Dan just likes a little quiet time to himself or a quick nap in a dark room on a hardwood floor.

We all thoroughly enjoy laughing at the many "funny faces" Taye makes at us. This little guy is chock full of personality--which assures us that he is definitely one of ours! Liam lights up when he gets off the bus and sees his "little buddy" and the girls and Taye are starting to play *gasp* together.

We cannot wait for snow to see how Taye reacts to the cold, wet, white stuff. It's fun looking ahead and anticipating things with Taye rather than just surviving an hour or a day with him. I'm starting to feel the cumbersome and heavy mantle of transitioning shift to actual living.

Fall stuff

2009-10-17T22:01:00.007-04:00

Taye has just jumped right in with all our fall-isms. The pumpkin patch didn't imbue him with any sense of wonder, he just watched what the sibs did, and did it too. Even throwing rocks at the roosters...(so sorry, pumpkin patch owners!)

Today was another first: caramel and candy covered apples. I think he liked it?

Welcome to Michigan

2009-10-14T14:36:00.000-04:00

And we haven't even hit the "cold" weather yet!

Growth

2009-10-08T13:41:00.004-04:00

Lots of people ask, "how's it going"? So I guess a little update is in order.

Taye is a trooper. He is in the midst of teething, a cold (or at least cold-like teething symptoms), just got another set of immunizations and flu mist (up the nose--ugh!) as well as being on round two of treatment for giardia. Not to mention cold weather, which is wreaking havoc on his already dry and sensitive skin. Still, he'll smile, laugh, and ham it up for whoever will give him an audience.

Today I took him to the grocery store *gasp* alone. All the other kids were at school. We had a blast. I told him the word for whatever he was pointing to, and he fell in love with the word "onion". Which he pronounces like "un-ying".

He got to eat a sample of cracker with peanut butter and drink a cup of apple juice. When he was finished, he blurted out, "Mah, all done", as if he's said it a million times and wasn't even thinking twice. I nearly lost it there in the grocery aisle. I'm finally really and truly starting to feel like "Mah" to Taye.

We're still working on independent sleeping (he's whimpering and squealing in his crib as I type this from the couch rather than the hallway...but we've gotta keep moving) and the hand that automatically raises to hit is starting to stay raised rather than to instantly strike whoever he feels has just wronged him or is within striking distance when he is mad.

Unless I'm mistaken, we have turned the corner. Yes, there is still lots of paperwork, a few more expenses, shots to get him all caught up, language to master, rough nap/nighttimes to endure, discipline and regimen to stick to and there will still be bumps and bungles along the way, but I truly believe we are on the up and up.

Finally.

(ps--whimpering and squealing has progressed to full-on screaming...guess we're not as far along down the road as I had hoped...)

Cutting teeth

2009-10-01T19:43:00.004-04:00

I wasn't there for his first tooth...or his first 18 teeth for that matter. But I'm so excited (despite the runny nose, and constant crankiness) to be here for his last two.

We'll be able to tell him that he came to us with a mouth full of teeth and two gaps on the bottom that we figured were just empty spaces void of teeth.

To my utter surprise the other night while doing a "good brush" of his teeth, I noticed two little white dots on his gums and instantly pulled his jaw open for a better view. I poked and felt his gums, and sure enough there are some teeth working their way through!

So yes, runny nose, cranky etc. But totally worth it to be able to have a "teeth coming in" story WITH Taye!

Books about Ethiopia I've read since coming home

2009-09-29T15:27:00.003-04:00

I have to say, I never could have read these books with the depth of understanding that I've been able to read them with had I read them before going to Ethiopia. I'm so glad I waited to read There Is No Me Without You until after returning from our trip. It wouldn't have touched me near as much had I tried to read it without first seeing the country and people.

I'm totally thankful for the recommendation from Heather on Cutting for Stone. Heather, did you know I went to college a pre-med major? I devoured the medicality of the book in congruence with the storyline. It is definitely not for those who are queasy at the sight (or description) of blood and guts and gore. And what I loved most was that it's SO Ethyo-pian not Ee-thee-oh-pee-an).

First family photo...but not the last!

2009-09-22T15:29:00.005-04:00

Our neighbor needed to snap our family photo to include in a brochure for the family camp Dan is speaking at in November.

We have an official photo session in a few days, but in the meantime this is our first official and quasi impromptu family photo!

Taye day '09

2009-09-20T09:55:00.003-04:00

Since big brother Liam was very concerned that he would be at school and would miss Taye getting to open presents, we made sure to open presents before Liam got on the bus. The highlight of the day--when Liam came out of his room with his Tinker Toy can and opened it to reveal a homemade birthday card and his Go, Diego, Go hat, which he had decided was too small for him and would be a perfect birthday gift for Taye. Taye was happy to dump the brand new helmet to don the Diego hat. What a sweet start to the day!

Normally for birthdays, I make a special and elaborate cake according to the theme of the birthday boy or girl's choosing. Knowing that I was home alone all day with the kids, I knew we'd need to stretch out the hours and there was no way I'd have the chunk of time to myself necessary for cake creating. So, we simply baked a 9x13 chocolate cake, cut it down the middle and re-arranged the pieces to form a giant "T" for Taye. Or for "two". Both work.

I had the kids help measure and mix the buttercream frosting. Taye was super pleased with himself doing what he saw his big sisters doing. We made the frosting the colors of the Ethiopian flag. I had visions of a really cool striped cake, but decided to just let the kids have a go at it and let whatever they came up with happen. It turned out quite psychadelic looking.

Taye thoroughly enjoyed frosting the cake. He really had no idea what he was doing, but definitely got the picture after licking his sticky fingers. From then on I spent my time re-directing his hands toward the cake rather than sneaking licks of frosting the entire time. (As you can see in the picture, he even tried sneaking his entire face into the frosting bowl--evidenced by the frosting on his chin. This boy, he's a smart one.)

Taye cried when I moved the cake off the table on to the counter, but you can't really eat birthday cake at 9am! We enjoyed playing with the new trike and helmet, Doodle Pro (we now own 4 Doodle Pro's--all in unique colors/themes so as to keep the separate.) Despite a time out and the anguish of still having to take a nap on your birthday, we made it through the day.

I have a feeling all this pomp and fuss was definitely a first for Taye, but certainly not a last! Especially the cake part--he really enjoyed that! We are now officially into the terrible twos, but really I can't complain--he's almost fully potty trained and sleeps throught the night. The other stuff, we'll grow through. We've done it three times before and survived, I'm sure we can do it again and come out unscathed as well with Taye.

Hoping that this year brings an EXPLOSION of language, continued health and growth in his little body, and lots more of his charming smiles and contagious laughter.

Taye day #1 = one happy day!

The boys are back

2009-09-16T10:07:00.008-04:00

Last week we got together with the three other families we traveled to Ethiopia with (this is "the gang" on the roof of our hotel the night before departing from Ethiopia).

At our beach reunion, I would say that 3 out of the 4 boys didn't really recognize each other or make a big deal about seeing each other again. We were hoping they might all start babbling in their native tongues to each other or that we might get to witness some miraculous interaction--like spontaneous tribal dancing or long-lost-friend hugs. But they were so normal it was almost boring.

It was, however, extremely therapeutic to hear each of our families share our similar triumphs and frustrations of transitioning home to life in the US with an addition to the family. Of behavior that seems to be "normal" amongst all four of the boys. Of how much easier it seemed to be when were when we were still in Ethiopia. Sharing strategies we are trying that have worked, some that haven't, medical issues the boys have experienced or not, eating and sleeping habits, behavioral issues we've been facing. Finding out where each of us in the post-adoption paperwork and where and how we are to send pictures back to Ethiopia and the birth mothers. All in all, our time was much too short.

It was so amazing to see each of the boys with chubby cheeks and either shiny or longer hair rather than the gaunt little bodies and wiry fuzz-heads we were introduced to in Ethiopia.

To hear parents share that they feel like maybe the worst is over and things are on the up and up. That both the severe and minor health concerns are in the past and on the mend, that continued transitioning will get easier, that we can do it, that we aren't the only ones facing the challenges we are facing, and that these boys are, indeed, right where they are supposed to be. In the midst of their loving and adoring families.

I just have say that I heart adoption. AND that I can't stress enough how truly vital the support and encouragement of the adoption community is.

2 months/2 years

2009-09-15T13:31:00.002-04:00

This weekend marks being home with Taye for 2 months. This Friday we will celebrate “Taye Day”—the date we have chosen to be his official birth date on all of his paperwork.

Honestly, I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around the birthday thing. I know what birthdays are for my other three kids. They’re a time to remember the day they came into the world. For Taye, it’s a date we chose to go on paperwork. A day we were not present for. We don’t have memories to look back on and share with him. I now understand a bit of the quandary that adoption presents when it comes to participating in "normal" celebrations.

Thursday night the kids and I are planning to bake a cake in the shape of a “T” for Taye. On Friday we’ll frost and eat it together after singing "Happy Birthday" with 2 candles on top. He’ll get a tricycle and helmet and Magna Doodle that are all his own. We’ll make a big fuss out of it being his day, but I’m so thankful that at his young age he won’t remember what we will probably clumsily falter through this year. It doesn’t help that Dan is going to be gone all day (I mean before wake-up in the morning ‘til after bedtime at night) speaking at a retreat, and that we’re currently “in the thick of things” with Taye (all you adoptive parents out there, when I say "in the thick of things" you know exactly what I’m talkin’ ‘bout).

I told Dan, “next year. We’ll get it together for him for next year”. I think we need to build more history with Taye, know him and his likes and personality a little more deeply. Figure out a way to make his day special and uniquely him in a different yet appropriate way than we currently know how to do for birthdays.

There's a lot to celebrate. Even in two months we've come a long way. He's gaining weight, healthy with shiny skin and hair, playful, and possesses the most charming smile and infectious laugh.

Taye, tiny little Mr. Taye with a giant voice that you screech out to be heard, I love you. I loved you before I knew you. I wanted you. I chose to say "yes" to you. Even when you vex me greatly or do something so outrageous that you stump this seasoned parent, your sloppy, loud, lip-smacking sah-mays on my cheek help make the disappointment in our failure to understand each other lessen. I haven't got a good read on you yet, we're still working on figuring each other out, but I know all I need to know. You're one of us. You're one of me. Your tears are as clear, your blood as red, and your little self just as needful of me as I am of you. As we clarifiy each others' context in the coming year, may loving each other come easier with each passing day.

Happy Taye day, little mister.

One month

2009-08-16T19:52:00.002-04:00

We've been home one month.

In most ways it seems like Taye has been with us forever.

He's just not as "up" on the rules as the other kids are. Like rule number 17: "when mommy is cooking in the kitchen, no kids allowed". Taye was underfoot the entire time I was peeling potatoes this morning. I was so afraid he was going to be impaled on my knife as I zipped between the trash can and the sink while I was peeling, or that he might get splashed by boiling water as I plopped the potatoes into the pot. He cried as I led him (over and over and over) to the end of the kitchen galley where he is allowed to stand and watch. It will just take time for him to learn what the other 3 have already had to learn.

He's still not saying many words in English. Sometimes I catch him saying something when he's tired or doesn't really realize he is saying it. He's soaking it in, absorbing, picking it up, taking it all in. I know because I watch him incessantly. He's just waiting to knock our socks off with complete sentences. I'd be happy with single words here and there, but it's give and take...

Tomorrow we're going to meet with one of Taye's orphanage buddies. We traveled with he and his family home from Ethiopia a month ago. It will be so interesting to get the boys together and see what they say and do. Taye babbles and talks a TON in his native tongue, I think he'll be thrilled to talk to someone who actually understands him, and whom he can understand.

We've been working on saying Oromo words to him. He smiles and laughs. Either we're enunciating horribly, or he has no idea what we're saying and is just being benevolent. I'm trying to show that I'm willing to learn some of his language in hopes that he'll see that I'm trying and he'll put forth a little more effort too.

Still quite a bit of screaming and squealing, but I really think that is language barrier related. Sleeping is getting a tiny bit better. It seems like I can sneak out of the room sooner and sooner each naptime. Although he still cries and sometimes even stomps his feet, I think he's starting to realize that sleep isn't a punishment, and that he will get to play again when he wakes up.

Similarities

2009-08-12T08:53:00.003-04:00

In the early stages of our adoption process, we had dinner with parents of a mixed-race adopted boy. We wanted to know how to be racially sensitive, inclusive, intentional and aware of how to raise a son who obviously looks different than we do.

One of the most important things they told us was to look for similarities. Too often at family gatherings everyone is trying to figure out "who does baby look like?"--searching for Grandpa George's chin, Grandma Ethel's dimple, Mommy's hair or Daddy's eyes, and it's the adopted child who is really left out of this super important familial interaction.

They advised us to search for and draw out non-physical attributes and similarities. Theirs were, "you fish just like your dad" and "you laugh just like your sister".

We haven't had to search too hard to figure out Taye's likeness to our family. Even before we met him we could see that he had "the eyes". My kids have differning eye shapes, but all of them have stunning and compelling eyes. Taye's are no less mesmerizing--one adopt-mom friend said, "I could just drown in them". Yup, he's one of ours!

Here's a little list of things I've either noticed or said to Taye about his likeness to others in his family:

"You chew with your mouth open, just like your daddy!"
Addison is the original Buddah belly, but Taye fits right in weilding Buddah belly 2.0
"You scream just like your sisters!"
The boy got rhythm and dance moves, just like his dad
"Little mister, you are stubborn, just like me" (I usually add, "but I will win", so he knows in advance how it will all play out)
"You are your father's son. Can't pass a mirror or window without stopping to admire yourself for a while, huh?"
Cries just like Addison--jaw unhinged and fully dropped to the chest, a hearty bellow accompanied by ginormous crocodile tears
Doesn't want to miss a thing--just like his big brother
LOVES to play in the water or sand/dirt/mud--just like big sister Addison
He's a peanut--all of my kids were in the 0-5th percentiles until about age 5 when they seem to hit a growth spurt. Taye is currently a whopping 3rd percentile for weight. Right on target, little dude!
"Get that out of your mouth! You are just like Elli--everything goes straight into your mouth!"
has the "special feet"--all my kids have had wide, double wide, plump rise, or just feet that need super wide shoes to accommodate their odd triangularity. Taye's feet are extremely narrow, but have the dreaded "plump rise" that Liam also got to enjoy as a child. Stride Rite, here we come (again)
Loves coffee--like me & Dan
Independent. Now I have two "Miss Independence" and two "Mister Independence" entities living in my home. (I sing, "What's gonna work? Team-work..." a LOT)
Sweet tooth. He's one of us. 'nuff said.

Needless to say, I thought it would be HARD WORK trying to figure out how to help Taye realize that although "one of these things is not like the others", there is much, much more to show that he does, indeed, fit right in. That he is where he belongs. He is unique in his own way, yet so completely and obviously a part of our familly. We've had no less than five people say to us something like, "it's just like he's always been here. Like he's always been a part of your family."

We just grin, because we already knew it. He really is one of us.

Messing with me

2009-08-09T20:41:00.004-04:00

I'm reading a book a bazillion people have recommended that everyone adopting from Ethiopia read. I actually put off reading it because I hate when everyone raves about a book. I get all skeptical and think, "oh, I'm sure it's not that great".

I was out of things to read, and decided to order it from the library. When it arrived, I looked at it and thought, "oh great, it's like 400 pages. I'll read the first page, and if I'm not hooked, forget it."

Well, let's just say, I'm about halfway through the book.

The storyline is enrapturing. It's not easy to read. There's a lot of what feels like "propaganda" to me intertwined in the pages, but I know it's important and relevant information. I just keep flipping pages ahead wondering when we'll return to Haregewoin's compound and see what's going on there rather than wade through HIV/AIDS statistics and the lengthy legal history and time line of the pharmaceuticals producing the anti-retroviral drugs during this time frame.

Having been on quite a few tours of Ethiopian churches and listening to a lot of ET history, now the bits and pieces, names, dates and places are making sense as I'm reading about ET history-- also woven throughout this story. I don't think the story, history, or facts of this book would have hit home with me as much as they are messing with me post-adoption and post-Ethiopian trip.

It's a good time for me to be reading it, too, as I read the stories of abandoned, orphaned, unwanted etc. children. After a more "bumpy" day with Taye, a grating screaming fit, a battle of wills or frustration at our language barrier, reading about other kids' struggles helps me change my perspective on our journey with Taye. They are giving me so much more insight into him, how his culture works, his side of our skirmishes and frustrations. I need that sensitivity and tenderness, and right now these stories are providing that avenue for me to get a little more in tune with the frequency he's broadcasting on.

So, to all of you who have already read or recommended this book, thank you. I'm glad you did.

Honeymoon over

2009-08-04T11:43:00.003-04:00

So, just need to be real for a bit here. In case there are any other real parents out there dealing with the frustrations that daily life can bring.

The other day I actually thought, "I'm ready to send him back".

At first, I was shocked and unnerved, immediately thankful no one can read my thoughts. Then I remembered wishing each of my babies back into my belly because at least when they were in there I couldn't hear their screaming. That helped me realize that I've felt this feeling before with my other kids, and that it's a real feeling to have, and it's normal.

It's the screaming that is wearing me down. I truly think (and hope, and pray) that the language barrier is what is causing him to scream at every little thing (doesn't matter, good, bad, frustrating, sad, whatever it is, he screams). I'm thoroughly hoping that when he learns to use his words, the screaming will cease. Forever and ever, amen.

Now, his screams are not cute little squeals of joy. They are jaw unhinged, head back, two lungs-full poke a hole in your eardrum screams. I don't know how he still has a voice with all the screaming he does. Later this afternoon, I'm going to start putting hash marks on a piece of paper and try to count how many times he screams an hour. I truly think hitting 50 per hour is a fair estimate (and might even be conservative).

It doesn't help that I caught something at VBS this week that made me feel like my head was going to explode, like my body had been in an accident, and like I had allergies times 1,000. Thank goodness I had some Cipro left from our trip to Ethiopia that I didn't need to use over there. I have self-medicated and what could have been an entire week of agony has been encapsulated (yuk, yuk, yuk) to 3 days-ish of being really off-kilter instead.

However, I'm still left feeling totally exhausted and the screaming seems magnified and insurmountable.

Bedtime continues to be a huge issue. As soon as we go potty and start to brush teeth, the tears (and screams) start to flow. My other three geniuses have figured out that while mommy is sitting in Taye's room waiting for him to fall asleep, they can wreak havoc wherever and however they feel like it. I'm banking on the schoolyear to help us hammer out a solid routine with a few less hooligans in the mix so that maybe we can start to turn naptime into a success instead of the fiasco that it is now.

And bedtime. Don't even get me started. How do you people with 4 do it? I feel like we start thinking about bedtime while eating dinner, actually start the routines at 7 and still have kids getting up for various and sundry thing and don't have 4 sleepers until around 9pm at the earliest. With them waking up at 7am, that means I am putting in grueling 14 hour days with barely an hour to "wind down", relax, do something sans kids, then try to fall asleep and know what tomorrow holds. Ugh.

I know things will get better. There are moments of beauty, but right now my mind seems fixed on all the sour grapes. I'm thankful for an old high school chum who reminded me of Galatians 6:9:

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we don't give up."

God, give me the energy to do good today. (and p.s.--please let him stop screaming!)

The first week

2009-07-26T20:38:00.002-04:00

This time last week, we were trying to put Taye down for his first night in his new home.

Except for the screaming fits when he is put down to sleep, we've come a long way. I keep telling people that if we had brought him home as an only child, we'd be in therapy with and for him already. But we brought him home to our kids, and they have unlocked him. They have given him context, made him feel comfortable, and we get to see a side of Taye we had no idea even existed.

Who would have guessed that the little boy who would barely lift his head and make eye contact just a week ago would be running around with my passel of kids (and the neighborhood kids) like he's always been here? He smiles at the drop of a hat. His laugh is infectious. We had no idea that he is about 90% potty trained already, and I have a feeling that any minute he's going to burst out in English and talk our ears off. He's a smart little whippersnapper--he mimics everything he sees us do; he has been a quick study to learn where dirty clothes and dishes etc. go.

His first doctor's appointment yielded an, "I can't find a single thing wrong with him" (pending blood and other bodily function labs) as well as "don't expect any bumps. God has already gone ahead of you and birthed this little boy to be a part of your family. Keep expecting the smooth, easy, wonderfulness you have experienced with him thus far." Wow.

Liam has a little brother that he is very protective of. He wants to be with Taye, sit next to Taye, help Taye, and tells everyone immediately to "be nice to my brother Taye".

Addison is lamenting losing her position as the "baby" of the family a little bit. She's doing a lot of baby talking and needing extra love and attention. But she's also happy for someone her size (or a wee bit smaller than her), and someone that she can out-do in most things.

Ellison, of course, is running Taye's show. She loves on Taye, sweet talks to him, directs him this way and that, bosses him around as necessary. Or ignores him as her diva status gives her the freedom to.

Taye is still a little bit wary of Dan, but nothing like what poor Dan had to suffer with the stubborn little guy in Ethiopia.

I love that I can leave a room without him bursting into a fit of panic and racing after me. I love his independence, but also the double-armed hugs where he wraps himself around my neck, lays his fuzzy little head on my shoulder, and his legs go around my middle. And he doesn't let go. He just goes all slack and relaxes in his mommy's arms.

Our transition has been amazingly smooth. So much so that I'm almost afraid to tell people for fear that we're bragging.

But we know full well that it's nothing that we have done. All credit goes heavenward.

As we continue to finalize paperwork (which will take up to another year--ugh!), learn the rhythm of life with 4 kids, figure out how to put this kid to bed minus the ear-splitting screams, and lean on God for what we need each day without worrying about tomorrow, we do so with hearts overwhelmed with thankfulness.

Ethiopia was a stark visual reminder of what poverty, joy, hoplessness, love, religion, need, hunger, family, desperation, and culture look like. Something America does not show off as readily.

Our goal isn't to brainwash Taye and Americanize him. I hope we do him and each of our kids the justice of raising them with eyes wide open to the world around them. To help disciple them to have sensitivity and love for all people in all places and at all times. There's a special place in our hearts for Ethiopia--you can leave Africa, but it will NEVER leave you. And in our case, that is such a beautiful promise.

We're Back!

2009-07-22T19:32:00.000-04:00

Well, we're home and settling into life as a family of six. God was so good to us on our journey!

We blogged about it on Dan's personal blog. (For those of you who will eventually travel to Ethiopia, blogger.com is blocked by the government. You might consider using Wordpress or Vox for your adoption blogs.)

Here are links to each of the posts in the order that you should read them:

1. Checked-IN
2. Our Embassy Appointment
3. Blogging from the Plane
4. Not Exactly According to Plan
5. Day 1 in Addis Ababa
6. Historical
7. On the Town and a Conversation
8. Itinerary Change
9. International Evangelical Church
10. Monday in Addis
11. So Close
12. Driving to Ambo
13. He's with US!!!
14. Embassy Appointment
15. Our First Full Day
16. Headed Home
17. Coming Home

All of our pictures can be found on our Flickr page:
Ethiopia Trip 2009
Ethiopia Mobile Photos
Welcome Home Taye!!

We seriously feel so blessed for God's provision for our journey. He was and is so good to us.

We'll keep you posted on how we're doing!

2009-07-05T10:31:00.002-04:00

Our friends gave us these custom-made "Happy Adoption" gifts last night. Mine is a pendant that says "mother" in Amharic, and Dan's is a paperweight that says "father" in Amharic. These are precious.

As are the two packages of diapers, myriad 2T clothes, inflatable rubber ducky tub, discounted prescription meds, jumpers, "extra tithe money", cake celebration ("Go Taye!"), phone calls and trips to banks to find new money, and so many other items and gestures we've been blessed to receive as we've been on this journey to Taye.

Mostly, we've felt totally saturated in prayer. We have such an amazing peace about this process, our upcoming travels, transitioning to a family of 6 with a new member who will start out with a lot more special needs than any of our previous children have entered our family with. Thank you for praying us through this. Thank you for supporting us through this. Thank you in advance for meals my friend Kristi is coordinating for us for us after we return home.

Just know that we're going to be so excited to return all the favors when it's your turn...

Leaving within a week

2009-07-03T18:29:00.003-04:00

We leave for Africa on Wednesday. Wow. It's starting to get realer and realer.

We still have so much to do, but in the meantime, we're mostly trying to soak up and enjoy each other before our family goes through growing pains with the addition and transition of a new member.

It's always a little rough adding a new member to the family. Whether it be via a newborn--where you get little to no sleep, monitor them constantly, have to coach the older sibs on how to act (or not act) around them etc. Or, in our case, an almost 2 year old who will be experiencing some major culture shock and totally changing life as he knows it within the span of a few days.

Dan and I are hunkering down--seriously paying some attention to each other and trying our best to bolster each other up for whatever is coming our way.

Enjoying every minute with our three as we'll be away from them for 11 days, and knowing that when we get back we'll be a tiny bit less available to them as we'll be intentionally working on helping Taye get acclimated to all things American and Scott family.

Tonight--fireworks. Tomorrow we'll go to the township parade, church, then host a BBQ w/ bonfire in the backyard (and possibly fireworks again if we're all up for it). Sunday is a workday for Dan. Monday my mom flies into town. Tuesday we'd better finish packing. Wednesday we start winging our way to Taye...

Pretty in pink

2009-06-29T17:07:00.003-04:00

We got updated Taye pictures today (they were taken on June 26). I think I have more pictures of Taye than I do of Addi--it is AMAZING to have so many photos of him so far! I am hoping that these photos represent that he is a very content and acquiescent child as (according to these pictures) he wears whatever is put on him.

Man, he's cute!

We had a fantastic time at camp--our "last hurrah" as a family of five.

Now it's pretty intense getting ourselves ready for the trip.

Tomorrow I'm going to pick up a 50 lb suitcase of formula another adoptive family gathered and packed for us to take with us to ET.

We have the gifts for the caregivers/orphanage staff gathered and ready to go.

We're waiting for some big checks to arrive in the mail this week from Abba Fund and Pathways for Little Feet so we can pay for our plane tickets, and get the cash we ordered from the bank (it all has to be 2004 and newer, not ripped or written on) to pay for our lodging, food, visas etc. while in Ethiopia. We've been nothing short of amazed watching God provide for this adoption to take place without going into debt. When we didn't quite have the cash on hand to pay for the travel up front, that's when a surprise phone call from Abba and Pathways came in. We are so thankful. There are a lot of YOU who have helped us out. You know who you are, you know what you did, and we are so thankful that you listened to that little voice that told you to do it.

We have lists everywhere and are constantly checking in to see "did you call them...?" or "did you pick up that...?" or "don't forget to..." It's kinda great working together as a team on this huge endeavor.

Friends gifted us two NWA coupons good for a free "luxury" while on our flight to ET. I cannot tell you how excited I am about getting to use those coupons. In-flight movies, here I come!

Tonight, we are feasting on a new Ethiopian recipe called Mesir Wat--a spicy lentil stew. And following it up with a triple chocolate cake for dessert. This next week is going to be filled with hard work tempered with lots of celebration and time with friends and family before we take off for Africa and a whole lotta life change!

Itinerary

2009-06-17T12:31:00.003-04:00

I can't believe it. I didn't think we'd be at this point for at least another week or two. We'll get to leave for a week of ministry at Scioto Hills Christian camp with just about everything for our trip to Africa on July 8 in order.

7/8 Depart GR –gate & plane change in Detroit
7/8 Depart Detroit arrive Amsterdam on 7/9
7/9 Depart Amsterdam arrive Addis 8:45pm (1 stop in Khartoum,
Sudan but no plane change)

*Arrive in Ethiopia Thursday, July 9

*Sightsee in Addis from Friday, July 10 - Sunday, July 12

*Leave for Ambo on Monday, July 13, meeting with birth family or caregiver (depending on your child's situation) either Monday or Tuesday

*Leave for Kunkeet to receive your children on Tuesday, July 14 and head back to Addis that day

*Spend time in Addis, at the lodge on Wednesday, July 15

*US Embassy appt. on Thursday, July 16

*Pick up visa at US Embassy on Friday, July 17

7/18 Depart Addis arrive Amsterdam 6 on 7/19 (1 stop in
Khartoum, Sudan but no plane change)
7/19 Depart Amsterdam arrive Detroit
7/19 Depart Detroit arrive GR 4:19pm—Taye gets to meet his brother and sisters!

We have our plane tickets, travel insurance, passports, shots, malaria meds, Z-packs & anti diarrhea meds, an English/Amharic phrase book, size 2 clothes & shoes and a few toys for Taye, a dependable camera to record all the memories.

Most important to me is that we have the most wonderful caregivers lined up for the three kids we're leaving at home. I know they'll be so loved, well-taken care of, and have so incredibly much fun that they won't even miss us. And will probably want us to leave again after we get home so they can go have more fun with Lou & Aunt M!

We are currently gathering the gifts we are supposed to take to give to all the people associated with Taye's orphanage and all of his caregivers, gathering things the orphanages need like formula, ointments, and, of course, some Discovery Village beach balls!

Closer to departure we'll have to go to the bank and get the correct cash to take with us--all the bills have to be dated a certain year and newer for some reason.

I've got to decide whether or not to pack diapers...I just have no idea what Taye's "pottying" situation is like. I think I'd rather be safe than sorry...and have no idea how easy it is to get diapers over there or how expensive. (I was hoping he'd come potty trained, but we'll take him no matter what his status is in that department...)

I have a few more items to order, think about, ask for, etc. But we've got a GREAT start on getting ready to go.

Then we can start to think about packing for ourselves! I can't go without a chapstick, some heavy-duty sunscreen, prescription sunglasses, my all-purpose shawl from the Dominican, and my red Crocs. And...and...and...oh dear. Time to make a list.

During all the driving to and from camp next weekend, I'll be re-reading our travel packet and making mental as well as lots and lots of written checklists to make sure we don't forget anything!

Reporting

2009-06-14T22:10:00.004-04:00

We officially have NOTHING new to report. We're waiting for paperwork from our court date to be finalized and translated into English and sent back to the agency. In the next week or two they should be able to give us an idea of when we will travel and we can start looking at plane tickets, but not purchase them until we get the final go-ahead to do so.

Sometime in July...

Meanwhile, we are so excited for college chums who are leaving for China this weekend to pick up their little boy. They have been in the adoption process for almost 20 months. This is their first adoption and their first child. We are so excited to know that 2 year old Ewen has a forever family--one that will keep him rolling with laughter and make sure he has healthy eyes (his dad is an optometrist) for the rest of his Murphy-licious life. I bet they won't sleep a wink all week and will be clock-watching like crazy!

Taye is ours

2009-06-09T20:56:00.009-04:00

All the documents were in order and we passed court today. We're kind of in shock. I didn't have my "phone list" ready, but called anyone I could think of. If I forgot anyone, please forgive me. I was trying to make phone calls while baking chocolate chip cookies and refereeing 3 summer breakin' kids!

We don't know when we will be able to travel yet, but 4-6 weeks after passing court is the norm. All we know is all we need to know right now. He is ours forever. Finally, we can post his pictures. So, rather than loading you up with words, I'll let his compelling eyes suck you in too.

Here is the photo of him that was in our referral packet/e-mail.

Here was another we received in the referral packet from a few months after he was admitted to the children's center--working on some serious fro.

This photo was taken around February and March, I think?

We were so fortunate to get so many pictures of him--he's been growing up right in front of us during all this waiting time.

Here's the most recent one we have of him--with his new haircut! (Taken in April)

1 week 'til try #2

2009-06-02T11:36:00.003-04:00

This morning I woke up envisioning what it might be like when we first meet Taye at the orphanage in Ethiopia. I haven't been thinking about him or the adoption obsessively (at least trying not to), although it's always there in the back of my mind. I guess sleep does that--brings those "pushed back" thoughts to the forefront.

As I thought about today's date, I realized that our second court date is just one week away.

I wasn't expecting to hear anything more from our agency until after the court date, but we got some more information today.

The reason the ET government didn't submit their letter to court was because they didn't feel there had been enough information provided about Abdi's about the birth father.

Although my heart kind of sunk when I read that, my head kicked in and found the bright side. We'll get to know more about Abdi's birth father!

I'm not going to get my hopes up about passing court in a week, because there's a very good chance that it won't happen again. We have no idea how current the information we are receiving is.

I can only imagine that the court asking for more information about birthfather's status means the orphanage will to track down birthmother (again) to find out who Abdi's birthfather is/was. Trying to find out whether he is alive or dead. If dead, is there documentation? If alive, where is he? What is he doing? Might he also have to go to court to relinquish parental rights or might he decide he wants to take custody of Abdi?

So many "what if" scenarios are playing around in our heads right now. Most likely they are all total fabrications of our overactive imaginations. We really have no idea what the snippet of information we got fully entails, but since we have so little to go on, our minds begin to wander, worry, and create dramatic scenarios. All you adopting families out there, you know exactly what I'm sayin' here.

In my response to our agency's passing this information on to us, I tried to relay that although we're anxious to have Taye here with us, any little shred of information we can learn about his birth parents and life in ET is so invaluable that a few more weeks of us waiting is a small price to pay for something so important to him.

I'm so thankful that I read Francis Chan's "Crazy Love" this week. There were some powerful reminders that "rejoice always" (Phil 4:4) is a command for a Christ-follower, not an option depending on the day's weather or your current life circumstances. This inexplicable joy is what is supposed to set us apart and pay testimony to the God we love and serve. It's not easy to be joyful when things around you might seem dire or empty of hope, but we don't draw our joy from our surroundings. We draw our joy from an unending supply in our Savior.

There's still a tiny corner of my heart that is optimistic that June 9 might be a day of huge rejoicing for our family, but mostly there is a contented guardedness that all things will be done rightly and in order.

And that might take a little more time...

Looking back. Looking forward

2009-05-26T09:51:00.003-04:00

It's been a year since we started this process.

Last Memorial Day weekend we spent a glorious long weekend at the cabin. At one point Dan voiced what I had known for a long time, "I think Liam needs a brother".

As soon as we got back into town, I paid $2 to fax the application to apply to adopt a child to Adoption Associates, Inc.

At that time, the process for adopting a boy in the age range that fit our family was estimated to be about 9 months start to finish. (That would have meant us traveling to Africa this spring)

Here we sit on the cusp of summer at 12 months into the process still waiting on things beyond our control to fall into place. We've had Taye's picture in our hands since March.

It's been a journey fraught with major ups and downs. Long waits, frustration, things out of our control, a million phone calls, trust, unexpected blessings and encouragement pouring all over us, timing that seems to be messing everyone and everything up, but God coming through every time.

I keep shaking my head and throwing my hands up and trying to make the most of this "wait time", but I must admit it's not easy at all. Many moments of colossal fail. There's just a huge aura of unfulfilled expectancy constantly crushing down on me. I keep apologizing to my kids for my barely being able to function. Then the doubts creep in, "If I can barely take care of 3, how in the world will I ever be able to take good care of 4?"

2 Corinthians 4:8 has been my go-to verse when I start to struggle with anxiety, fear of the unknown, wrenches thrown in "the plan", living life "on hold", and all the crazy thoughts adoption forces you to think that the majority of people in "my circle" are unable to dialogue. It's lonely here in this place, but I am not alone. It's amazing how scripture that I had no idea was "in there", somehow is.

"In every way we're troubled, but we aren't crushed by our troubles. We're frustrated, but we don't give up."

God understands adoption. He knows this waiting place. He's here with me. He's bolstering my weary and perplexed spirit.

he's growing!

2009-05-20T19:39:00.003-04:00

We got updated measurements on Taye. He's growing at the rate of approximately an inch a month, and adding about a pound per month. This is GREAT considering how malnourished he appeared upon being delivered to the children's center in December.

His hair is growing in. It looks like he has had his head shaved recently, but he's losing his "widow's peak", and to me a healthy hairline is a sign of a healthy body. His face is filling out, and he's looking so much older than his first pictures from December.

Don't grow up too fast, we've already missed so much! Here's to hoping that in just 2 weeks we'll pass court and be on our way to pick up this little guy.

3/3/09 (18 mos)

Height 29.5 inches
Weight 22 lbs

May? (20 mos)

Height 31.5 inches
Weight 24.2 lbs

On a more fun note, we are hosting an Ethiopian dinner on Friday night for another family beginning their adoption journey. I'm fermenting tef flour for injera, marinating chicken (that I butchered, and I do mean butchered myself--well, at least cut up a whole chicken--I didn't do the whole neck, feathers etc. thing...) for doro wat, have some nice red lentils from the East African market to make yemiser w'et and kale to fry up some gomen. I am going to attempt my own berbere mix as I have not yet been able to find the spice mix for purchase. This may be a flop of collossal proportions, but at least I'm trying!

We get a do-over!

2009-05-14T23:05:00.003-04:00

We didn't pass court today. There was one piece of paperwork, that is usually prepared the day before a court date, that either didn't get prepared or didn't make it to court on time. If it were something we or our adoption agency had control over, I would be steaming mad. But it wasn't. It was something totally out of our hands, so I just have to see this as giving us more time before going to get Taye. I haven't cried, am not mad, and have a weird peace. Like when ouside turns that funny shade of yellow before a huge storm is about to hit and everything is still, silent, and eerily beautiful. That's kind of how it feels to me right now.

What is so much more important about today was that Taye's birth mother made it to court. She gave her consent for us to adopt her little boy. To me, that was the thing that was causing me the most angst. Granted now it is causing me grief, as I am so sad for her. I cannot imagine her life, what she has been through, what today meant to her, how it affected her emotionally and much, much more. Maybe God knew I needed a few extra weeks to grieve on her behalf. To really take a deep look at what this means to her, what this will mean for Taye, and how I can best represent and share that with him as he gets older and has questions about his life and the scenic route that ended him up in our family.

There is a possibility that we will get to meet Taye's birth mom. I am dreading it, but thrilled to do it for him. To try to get to know her just a little bit--as much as possible in a very short amount of time and with a translator I am sure--take a picture of and with her for Taye to have so he can see the girl that carried him in her tummy and the girl who carried him in her heart side-by-side.

We got updated pictures of Taye tonight, and hope that measurements are soon to follow. It looks like he is flourishing where he is. When I called Liam out of his room at 9:30pm to come sneak a peek at the new pictures, his response was, "it sure looks like he's growing up". He has changed so much from his December pix (admittance to the orphanage) to his March pix and video, to these 2 May pictures. I can't wait to post them, he has the saddest eyes. I know it's because he's missing his family...we pray we can remedy that soon and see those eyes lit up with a smile.

Anticipating celebrating

2009-05-11T19:44:00.004-04:00

While driving to Elli's preschool today, I was mulling over how last week I explained to the mommy group there that we had to choose a "birth date" for the birth certificate the Ethiopian government is creating for Taye so we can adopt him. Someone asked, "how did you choose the date" and another "is there any significance to the date you chose?"

I made a motion with my finger of a swirling around a target then randomly striking it. Then I shrugged my shoulders and said "mmm...that one". They all laughed. I said, "we didn't want to over-think it".

In adoption world, there are lots of really creative ways to celebrate a child who doesn't necessarily have a birth date or story to go with his or her arrival into the world. This will be true of Taye. I think I'll teach him that is "birthday" is September 18 (as that's what will be on his birth certificate), but I think I'm going to call it "Taye day". Not "gotcha day", not "adoption day" or "birth day", just a day that we celebrate him.

10 days

2009-05-04T14:05:00.002-04:00

by jenna
There are just 10 days until our court date.

Court takes place over in Ethiopia without us. It's totally out of our hands. We will get results of whether we passed, or whether we did not pass (and if that is the case, I think we will be told why we didn't pass and when our next court date is assigned). If we pass, we have another son. Just like that. It's done and he's ours. We just have to travel to go get him once we get the go ahead.

I was struck by the realization that in just a few days, whammo, we could have another child. We've been preparing as well as we know how to prepare, but there are so few physical benchmarks along this journey as compared to the pregnancies of our first 3 childrens' arrivals.

My sister-in-law is expecting her first baby in mid-July, and every single ounce she gains, every little ache and pain, wave of nausea, shirt touting her pregnancy etc. is so exciting for her and the rest of the family. Yet, it's almost painful for me. Because we are expecting "a first" for us in our own way too. But there's so much less fanfare and excitement it seems because an adoption is just so different for people to comprehend than a pregnancy when really, the end result is the same.

My body might not be poochy, my face and feet might not be swollen, but my heart and head certainly are. Emotionally, I'm finding many of the same feelings and symptoms I experienced during each of my pregnancies. (Note: also experiencing the need to eat, eat, eat part--yikes!)

I'm identifying more and more with Mary, the mother of Jesus, who took a lot of crazy information about a radical and non-conventional family expansion via the arrival of a little boy into her life and how she is described as "pondering it all in her heart." Privately. I understand Mary's situation in a way I never could before because of this adoption. And I ache for her knowing a tiny bit of how it feels to be chosen for a special task, yet to feel so left out and lonely.

I've been blessed to hunker down and experience God and His word this year with an amazing group of women who have kept the adoption right in front of all of our faces--being so excited for and with us and praying us through our journey (not to mention being included in a surprise baby shower!). Adoption support groups and just being with fellow adopting families--whether online or IRL have been my saving grace. To be able to openly share what others cannot even fathom or even put into words sometimes and know that we are not alone has done more than I even know how to express to help keep this battered dinghy afloat.

Currently, I'm so stuck in "nervous excitement" mode that I'm just trying not to shut down completely and hang in this last stretch. These next few weeks leading up to the hard labor (which I fear is going to be the plane rides home) will be fraught with gracefully smiling through the contractions no one else can see and only I can feel.

I hope the old adage is true...

2009-04-20T13:43:00.003-04:00

...that "no news is good news".

We haven't heard anything about Taye or our adoption for more than a month. We're trusting that all is well. Praying that he is safe, healthy and happy. That all of our paperwork is in order and ready for our May 14 court date.

East African Market & surprise baby shower

2009-04-06T22:15:00.005-04:00

Tonight we visited the East African Market a friend told us about. It's located on 2770 Ridgemoor Dr SE in Grand Rapids. Now, it's not visible from the road whatsoever. You've got to turn onto Ridgemoor Ave and drive just past the comic book store then quickly turn your head to the right and you'll see it.

I enjoyed perusing the shelves a bit--t hekids were touching everything and playing hide and seek in the aisles, so it was definitely a quick trip. As we went to check out, I talked a bit to the owner, M, and asked him what most people came in to buy. Rice, lamb & goat. I asked him more about the meats and whether he butchered them himself, etc. He waved me back to the freezer and I got to see legs of lamb and goat all trussed and tied up. Dan asked where he got the goat and his answer was "Detroit". The next time I go, I asked him if I could watch him cut portions of meat and learn more about the cuts as I know very little about them and would love to learn more. M seemed totally thrilled to be asked and excited for me to come back so he could show me.

I noticed that the store also sells fresh-made injera bread, and I asked who makes it for them. He said I had just barely missed the woman who makes it. I asked if I could leave my card and if M would ask her if she might be willing to teach me to make injera and maybe even how to cook a few Ethiopian dishes. He said she is a very nice lady and would probably help me out. I might get to take cooking lessons!

I really wanted some Berbere, which is the most popular spice used in Ethiopian cooking, but there was none at the store and a shipment of it would be coming in about a week. M said it is "very popular". Berbere is a blend of red chili, garlic, salt and more, and I'm intrigued to try some, then start mixing my own! I'll definitely be headed back to the East African market again.

We bought a 4 pound bag of teff flour ($11.99), some coffee ($5.99), apricot preserves ($1.29), coconut milk and coconut cream (99 cents each can).

Because we had a hard time finding the market, I was running late for Bible study. My friend Sara had offered to pick me up, but since we were running late Dan just dropped me off at her house on our way home.
Little did I know that in lieu of study tonight, my BS group threw my friend Cristi (who is almost 9 months pregnant) and I a surprise baby shower! We were both SHOCKED. Since this is my 4th child, and this is her 3rd, neither of us ever expected a baby shower for either of our boys (she's having a boy, too). I was more than halfway through my taco before I realized that it seriously was a surprise shower for us; I think I am still in shock!

Check out the adorable diaper cake with Elephant topper. I also loved the Easter basket with super-cuddly duck full of bath products and plastic eggs stuffed with cash! Burts Bees children's toothpaste and powder, bath gel for Taye as well as a new loofah, bath gel and lotion for myself, diapers and wipes galore and a gift certificate to Babies R Us nearly brought me to tears. I came home and showed Dan and said, "I have cards to put in Taye's memory basket from his baby shower!" That is something I never, ever dreamed I would be able to say or do for him. Thank you SO MUCH girls. You have no idea how you have just blessed me and overwhelmed me with your kindness. Not to mention Taye. This little boy just has no idea...his eyes are big and beautiful and round, but just wait 'til he's here. They're going to be even more bigger just trying to take it all in. I can't wait!

The sale!

2009-03-29T20:47:00.013-04:00

I thought y'all deserved an update from the West Michigan Moms sale this weekend. My sis-in-law Kara not only helped me work the tables, but she even snapped a few pictures too! She also brought me a ginormous (aka Venti) Espresso truffle mocha with extra whipped cream to help energize me for the day.

Here I am at 6:07am wearing about 4 layers and freezing, but ready to set it all up. I was overwhelmed with how much stuff we were given for this sale. The gian boxes and towering piles reminded that people are generous and good.

While we were setting up and trying to organize the tables, another seller came up to my table looking for a Johnny Jump up seat. I had two she could choose from. So, at 6:10am, I made my first sale! Little did I know that this would happen non-stop from that point on.

We got our tables sorted and organized while pre-shoppers hustled and bustled around buying things from us before the doors even opened and the sale actually started (at 9am).

And when the doors opened, oh. my. goodness. It was a stampede. I am amazed that no one was trampled. Everyone RAN to the "large items" area, where things like cribs, strollers, bikes, play kitchens, etc. were for sale.

Since 2 of the 3 girls who organized this entire sale are friends, they gave me a PRIME location. My tables were directly outside the "large items" area. So as soon as people made their large purchases, they came right to our tables.

(Below is a picture my sis-in-law took about 30 seconds after the doors opened of the people crowded shoulder-to-shoulder in the large items area.)

Needless to say, our totally prime location and the fact that the tables were stocked with absolutely top-notch products at very reasonable prices, and all of you praying that this sale would bring in lots of money did just that. I'm happy to report that this sale brought in 4/5 of the goal I was hoping to reach!

I have enough leftovers from the sale that I am going to try to sell the rest of the items at the Thornapple Evangelical Covenant Church MOPS consignment sale on May 2.

If there is still a good quantity left after that, I will purchase another table for the next WMMS sale on June 2 and give it another go. That means if you have another box or bag or two of clothes, books, toys, maternity, baby items etc., I'd be more than willing to take them off your hands and slap a price tag on them to sell in June.

By June, we should be closer to knowing when we will get to travel to ET to pick up Taye. We should also have very up-to-date measurements of his height and weight. That means I'll be able to estimate about what size clothes he will fit into and in addition to selling at the WMMS, I'll also get to SHOP!

Like I said on the news segment I was interviewed for at the sale, I love everything about this sale. It keeps our money local, it's very green in that we are re-purposing and recycling clothes, toys, shoes, furniture, etc. rather than throwing them away. In Michigan's struggling economy it is a huge blessing to be able to offer others a bargain on great items, or to pick up a few great bargains yourself.

THANK YOU to both of you who purchased tables for me to sell at for this sale (one of you I know who you are, and the other remains anonymous--although I think I have a guess as to who you are). THANK YOU to all of you who made things for this sale. THANK YOU to each one of you who boxed and bagged up items and gave them to us to sell. THANK YOU for everyone who prayed for this sale to be a success (it certainly was). And THANK YOU shoppers.

A place to lay his head

2009-03-29T14:36:00.009-04:00

On this snowy, dreary, rainy Sunday the kids and I decided to do something "fun" and happy while Dan was at church. So, we made up Taye's bed.

I wanted to take a picture of it to add to the "Who Loves Baby" book we are planning to fill with pictures of us and send over to him at his orphanage in Ethiopia.

This crib/bed has lasted through 3 children so far and it is holding strong for #4. I have my parents to thank for buying it for us after it passed my dad's "shake test"--where he vigorously shook the store model to make sure it was sturdy and wouldn't fall apart under the weight of a 7 pound baby! Good job dad, you knew what you were doing. This thing has held up even under the taxing weight of 3 children all bouncing on the bed at once. Shake test= brilliant.

I'm going to sew a smaller bed pillow, but for now Liam is loaning Taye one of his big pillows. So precious. The yellow blanket was one Liam picked out from his own stash of blankets to put away for "the baby brother" way back when we started this process. I ordered the Cabbage Patch doll, who came with the name "Dwight", before we even sent our dossier to Ethiopia. The red, white, and blue star-shaped blanket was knit by Courtney for this weekend's sale. (I have to admit I kind of hid it under a pile in the hopes that no one would buy it so I could keep it to give to Taye because I loved it so much) There's a custom-made frame from Lynds (Liam immediately inserted a photo of Taye and hung the picture himself) with a corresponding frame in the making so we have a matched set. I can't believe we're going to have boys, plural! Brothers!

We're decorating Taye's side of the room with the primary colors of the Ethiopian flag. As you can see here, the kids found and set up some of Dan's "Grateful Dead" bears in the ET flag colors. They match the color drawers Liam uses for his Lego's and Transformers perfectly!

***short aside***

I mentioned the "Who Loves Baby" book earlier, and here's the scoop on that. We have 2 sets of pictures and 27 seconds of video footage of Taye that we are already surrounding and familiarizing ourselves with. We want Taye to have a chance to us in advance as well. To see what his family looks like, the house he will be living in, the room he'll share with his brother, the bed he'll be sleeping in, etc.

Some of our early adoption reading stated that anything we can do in advance to help make the transition as easy as possible on him is worth the doing. By sending him these pictures, he may arrive to the US and see pictures of people/things that he recognizes. This will give him something that he'll be able to cling to in the completely new and different surroundings he is going to step off the airplane to.

***fin***

There's a shelf above Taye's bed with toys the kids set aside for a new baby brother as soon as we explained that our family was going to add a member via adoption. When we explained that we had more than enough of everything and so much so that we could share with another child who didn't have a family, or a home, or a place to sleep, or enough food to eat, or toys or clothes, their tender little hearts kicked into gear. They gathered "extra" toys, books, sunglasses, and a pair of socks that they could share. They've been tucked away until today.

Liam climbed up and helped arrange them on the shelf above Taye's bed. The pair of socks, a new sippy cup, a big picture book and an envelope full of cards the kids have been drawing and notes Liam has been writing to Taye are in the drawer beneath his bed just waiting for him to come home and discover.

My next task will be to fill the rest of that drawer with clothes and shoes in anticipation of the little guy's arrival. This is easier said than done as we have measurements of him from a month ago, but really have no idea what size he is...or will be...when we go pick him up to bring him home.

Sorting...sorta

2009-03-27T22:43:00.002-04:00

Last night Dan and I spent our Thursday night TV time sorting all of the clothes for the big WMMS. With both of us working together, it went rather quickly (only 1 1/2 hours).Here is a picture of all of our piles, and me sitting on the futon in the fetal position with a newborn snow hat on my head. I was just about losing my marbles by that point.

Today after packing all the sale items into our van (with all of the seats removed, the van was packed floor to ceiling) and schlepping them to the sale site, we spent the rest of the day re-arranging bedrooms. That means taking apart beds, finagling them around tight corners as they moved from one room to another, putting said beds back together, moving furniture, toys, changing bedding, and removing lots and lots of dust bunnies.

I think there is a piece of me that is "nesting". I think there is another piece of me that is beyond exhausted and needs to slow down.

Rather than take the time to sit and sift, sort, and think what life with 4 is going to be like, I'd rather do physical work. Yesterday I emptied the garage, swept it out, and re-arranged all the bikes and outside toys. Today was grueling. Tomorrow is the sale, which is going to totally amp me up whilst at the same time sucking me dry of energy.

Sunday I need to plan to crash. My body and my mind need some serious rest. My kids need a focused mom. My husband needs a supportive and "all there" wife.

In the very merry month of May...

2009-03-24T12:41:00.002-04:00

...our petition to adopt Taye will go before the Ethiopian court. If all the paperwork is present and assembled properly, and if his birth mother (or other family member) appears and authorizes his relinquishment, we will be approved to adopt him.

At that time, he will officially be our son. We have already signed a power of attorney statement to the orphanage to take care of him until we are able to come pick him up in the event that we do pass court.

Then we can start making plans to travel and pick him up approximately 4 weeks after we pass court. Part of the wait time involves getting travel documents prepared and authorized to travel with Taye as our child.

If, however, paperwork is not present, not correct, or the family member fails to appear on the 14th, we will have to wait to be assigned another court date and wait once more. But we are hoping that all will go smoothly and pass on our first try.

We could be traveling mid-June to go pick him up!

Big sale this weekend!

2009-03-23T12:57:00.005-04:00

I've spent countless glorious hours organizing and preparing for the West Michigan Mom's Sale, which takes place this Saturday from 9am-1pm at the Delta Plex. Come shop! My prices are amazing, I've been shaking my head over marking things 95% off their original prices, but I love being eco-responsible by recycling rather than throwing away clothes, and being able to offer someone else a bargain. Especially in our current economy.

We've been overwhelmed with the generosity friends and even complete strangers have shown by donating and even making items we can sell. I've had fun figuring out how to best display some of the handmade items girlfriends have given me--like Amelia's super bibs, Jill's hair ties, and Courtney's hand-knit star blankets (I'm secretly hoping no one buys the red, white, and blue blanket so I can keep it to give to Taye...)

We're looking forward to having our basement back again. The pile of "sale stuff" has been getting bigger...and bigger...and bigger. (That's a good thing!) I've used almost 1,000 pricing labels (that's including mistakes, and me changing my mind after Dan says things like, "you can't sell a Baby Bjorn for $10 when they retail for $85" and I decide to mark it up to $15 all the while feeling rather guilty and being so greedy...)

I have girls clothes and shoes from newborn up to size 6, and boys clothes and shoes from preemie up to size 8. I have maternity clothes, stuff for nursing (a Medella double pump), bottles & sterilizer, drying rack. An entire nursery set--from crib quilt to bumper to lamp. Unopened packs of diapers, swimmy diapers, and a diaper pail, a potty seat and a training potty. Baby bathtub, soothing bouncy seat, bibs, blankets, bears, books, games, toys, puzzles, DVD's, VHS, a V-smile system. You name it, I've probably got it!

That reminds, me, I wanted to pack up and price one of our extra Leap Pad systems. I guess I'm still not done...yet.

I will give you an update on how well we do at the sale. I'm excited to shop for a few items that are on my shopping list (like swim goggles, and traning wheels for a 12 inch bike) at bargain prices.

I'm looking forward to spending the day with my sis-in-law, who took the day off to come help me woman my tables, and my friend L who is sharing a table with me to sell her super-awesome custom picture frames.

Pray for gorgeous weather, a super good turnout of shoppers, and lots and lots of sales!

Bits and Pieces

2009-03-19T13:08:00.002-04:00

We've been excitedly sharing the news of Taye (Abdi) with friends and family with guardedness as we realize there could be hitches and glitches along the way.

Along with some pictures of Taye taken last weekend, we are getting bits and pieces of his background as documents are translated into English and shared with us.

Of course the situation bringing Taye to us is sad, and something I would never wish upon myself or any other mother or father. But I think being able to redeem one person's heartache and desperate sacrifice is my privilege and responisibility to show, in some small way, the acceptance, compassion and care Jesus has shown to me by taking me into His forever family.

From what I can deciper in the paperwork, Abdi's birth father is deceased. We know nothing beyond that. The who, why, and how remain a mystery. His birth mother suffers from epilepsy, which is apparently why she is no longer able to take care of him. (At least, that is my inference)

My avid-reader mind has been weaving a story of my mind's own making as to the situation that brought Taye to this orphanage at this point in time. I think the fiction I am creating in my mind is a little (or a lot?) less harsh than the reality of his circumstances. Or it could be that I am over-dramatizing the synapses between the bones of reality in his story. Will we ever know it in its entirety?

Although my heart is excited about my little boy waiting for me overseas, my mommy's heart is broken and aching and grieving on behalf of Abdi's birth mother.

I hope I can do well by her in raising him. I know Dan will be an awesome dad. My anxious heart fears the epilepsy that may be stitched into his genetic coding, while my feisty side tells me that healthy nutrition, lifestyle, a whole lot of love and my big God will do wonders for this little boy's body and spirit. And that God does not give us a spirit of fear.

My brother and sister-in-law have been in the pediatric ICU with my nephew Ian for over a week as he's been fighting for his little life. (He's showing improvement, thus far, thank you LORD) Through it all, my brother and sister have had the best attitude and faith in God. I was touched by an e-mail he sent to all of us stating,

"Carrie and I wanted to send out a short note just to express our amazement and gratitude for all of the support we have received over the last week. Seeing the body of Christ in action like this is awesome. Your generosity and encouragement mean much more to us than this note could ever express. We are in awe of the number of people praying for Ian and for us. God is so good. Though we don’t understand why things like this happen we do know that God is with us, loves us, and is in control. He knew His plans for Ian’s life before it ever began."

As I wait for the clock to tick so I can call our pediatrician and get some advice about the possibility of Taye's risk of epilepsy, I'm humbled. And reminded that he's healthy (as far as we know) and happy right now. No day but today. If God cares about the sparrow, how much more does He care for us. And not to worry about tomorrow.

That being said, it's time for some lunch. Then off to Costco to pick up some "new" pictures of Taye.

Preparing

2009-03-14T10:42:00.002-04:00

My mind is whirling planning ahead for months in advance when Taye is here. I find myself having to click "pause" and remind myself that we have plenty of time to prepare, and not to be so consumed with getting everything ready that I fail to cherish our last few weeks/months together as a family of five.

Despite unexpected car repairs around Christmastime and our slowly-dying water heater finally gurgling its last, we are amazed that we were able to write a check for the rest of Taye's adoption expenses. When we started the process we applied for grants and interest-free loans, but weren't chosen for any of the grant awards and have not needed the interest-free loan. We have a few months to work on earning and saving for travel and any additional expenses, but if God has been faithful thus far, why wouldn't he finish what He started?

We have enough beds for each child to have their own sleeping place, we just need to re-arrange rooms and buy a one new mattress set for a bed we've been storing at the parents' cabin. We were given a picture frame with four photo slots--another "wish list" item that appeared without our even having to ask for it. God is so many steps ahead of us in this process! It's almost eerie--anybody else ever have that happen?

I have more bags of stuff to sort and price for the big sale next week. Again, we've been overwhelmed by the generosity of people despite tight economic times--especially here in Michigan. Huge thank you to each and every one of you who filled a box or bag (or boxes and bags PLURAL) with things you can do without for our benefit.

We know the waiting is going to get more challenging. Not to mention the fact that the entire court proccess is totally out of our country and out of our hands is not something this type A personality is used to, so we continue to covet your prayers.

We're praying for friends who are ravenously awaiting their referrals as well. It's very hard to be where we are--rejoicing about 80% because there's a big slice of us that wants our joy to be full, and that means wishing the same for us for these other dear friends who desire to be united with their forever famlies too.

How do you choose?

2009-03-10T10:35:00.002-04:00

When we got our referral phone call, we were told that if we decided to accept the referral of a little boy named Abdi that we would have the option to choose a birth date for him in order to start getting our case into court. Otherwise a date would be chosen for us.

We are all about facing the tough decisions. So we did what most up-to-date techno savvy people would do, we opened Google calendar! Since Abdi is approximately 18 months old, we looked at the month of September. We looked at birthdays already occurring in that month (cousin Erik on the 11th) and tried to distance our "date" from Labor Day.

We chose September 18. Why? Because in my mind, we waited 9 months for our referral and have been married 9 years, so that adds up to 18.

What a weighty decision! But we decided not to spend a lot of time going too deep into it and just pick a date quickly and keep this process moving along as swiftly as possible.

Next was deciding about Adbi's name. First of all, having an almost 3 year old girl named Addi already would making having an "Addi" and an "Abdi" very confusing and tongue twisticating. Also we found that the name Abdi is rooted in and associated with the Muslim faith. Knowing that we will be raising him in a God-centered home, we didn't think it totally appropriate to retain the moniker.

In keeping with his heritage, we wanted to give him an Amharic name. A name that has stuck in my head from previous reads through Amharic dictionaries was the name "Taye". The meaning is, "he has been seen". Thus far, that is all we have to go on--we have seen pictures of him, and we know that one of our adoption agency case workers has seen him as well. This Ethiopian name is pronounced "TAY-yeh", as an American name, it's pronounced "TAY."

We haven't landed on a middle name yet. But we have plenty of time. We can't officially change his name until we bring him home. And there are a LOT of steps to climb before then--you know, little things like passing court!

We've gotten a big kick out of our kids suggesting middle names. Some that they have offered up are:

eyeball
Anna
Alvin
Simon
Theodore
mile (not Miles, just "mile" apparently...)
and our favorite (by Liam) ".org"

The wondering is over, the real waiting begins

2009-03-06T20:06:00.002-05:00

Today we received "the phone call".

I was driving home from Target with Addi and admit that I drove while talking on my cell phone because ain't no way I was hanging up on our referral phone call!

Our agency told us "we have a boy..." and proceeded to tell us a tiny bit about him. He's estimated to be 18 months old and has been at the orphanage for about 3 months waiting for paperwork to be finalized. He's growing and seems to be doing well.

His pictures are so compelling. His eyes just draw you right in and you just wanna hug him.

We chose a birth date for him so that we could get his case entered into court and begin our adoption proceedings.

Now the waiting begins again, but at least this time we have a picture, a name, and a lot more hope of what our little guy looks like, his age and stage and how we can start preparing for expanding our family one more time.

We will definitely keep you posted on each little footstep forward as we get closer and closer to "pick up" time!

A glimmer of hope?

2009-03-02T14:27:00.002-05:00

We got a very positive update from our agency about the state of adoptions thus far in 2009. As we had dared to hope (and prayed for a miracle in our seemingly dire economy), there have been a healthy number of new families signing up for adoptions, expectant moms contacting the agency to have their children placed, as well as children referred and adopted.

Regarding the Ethiopia program, there are some children waiting on paperwork to be finalized so they can be referred to their new families. I'm afraid to jinx ourselves and say that I hope we are one of those families getting a call, but I have to be honest that I have great expectations.

There are a bunch of us who have our hopes and hearts set on being the families that receive "the call" that their child is ready and waiting for them to start the process of being adopted and brought home. We're trying to help encourage each other as the wait time stretches out longer and longer.

I wrote to a fellow-waiting-family-friend that "We, too, are waiting with hearts full of hope for a referral this month--as are you. Just last night as we prayed for "little brother", my daughter asked when he would be coming home, and it was all I could do to hold myself together and not cry in front of her as I told her "we don't know yet"... Here's to hoping for many answered prayers in these coming weeks."

I'm meeting with that friend tonight so she can give me a box of stuff for the sale in a few weeks (March 28) and I can give her 3 cans of formula and some infant cereal to send to the orphanage(s) in Ethiopia where our kids are currently being cared for.

Due to the plummeting value of the birr, Ethiopia is simply not buying infant formula. Therefore, there is a shortage of good, healthy formulas--especially for malnourished babies.

Our orphanage has what it needs for right now, but one of our group's adoptive fathers purchased a plane ticket and took advantage of the special "buy one get one free" plane tickets to Africa airlines were offering (thanks to Obama's inaguration) so he could hand-deliver formula to our orphanage. One of AAI's employee's is going with him using the "free" ticket he offered, and it has been amazing to watch churches and individuals, formula companies and each of us do what little we can to send nutritious food over to our kids so they can grow and be healthy during Ethiopia's economic downturn. (Hmmm...sounds similar to the US right now, doesn't it?)

I can't wait to hear how much formula was donated/purchased and delivered to the orphanage. Personally, we were able to get 2 cans + 2 days-worth of free samples and purchase an additional can using a$5 off coupon. It's not very much, but every little bit counts.

The cans of formula and box of infant cereal are being sent with so much love and my prayers that the kids receiving them will be nourished in body and that somewhere in their innocent spirit they might know that their families care for them already and desire to make sure all their needs are met.

Trying to keep busy

2009-02-22T13:57:00.004-05:00

The kids and I spent a few hours this morning sorting toys, books, puzzles, baby gear and other various items for next month's West Michigan's Mom sale. I started putting price tags on the items and had way too much fun trying to figure out fair deals. The kids had a ball looking through all the stuff, but had a hard time not playing with everything. The rule was "once it has a price on it, you're not allowed to play with it anymore".

Amelia's hand-sewn blanket & burp cloth sets, lovey bears, and super bibs are SURE to sell quickly. I LOVE them!

I haven't even started to sort all the clothes yet.

I've had lots of people tell me they have "some stuff" for me. I can't wait to get more! If everyone who has promised me stuff comes through, I wonder if I'll need yet another table? This is so exciting.

Taking the scenic route

2009-02-19T19:13:00.002-05:00

Yes, here we are still waiting. It seemed like we were moving up the list rapidly, but things have ground to a very silent and still halt this past month. I was praying that we would receive a referral in the month of February, but God doesn't make deals according to our wishes.

Sustaining us through these days and weeks have been people. Some we know, and some we don't have been blessing us in the most unexpected ways.

Boxes and bags of things for the March 28 sale are starting to pile up in the basement. We've received checks in our mailbox that we never expected from acquaintances, friends, and family--generosity beyond measure in these very trying economic times. An anonymous person purchased an extra table at the Michigan Mom Sale so I'll have ample space to sell--another unexpected answer to a secret and silent prayer. We've been bolstered by encouraging words wherever we turn from people near and far helping us chin up when the dreary waiting begins to take its toll.

The knowledge that there is a little boy who is loved so much by so many already does something inexplicable to my spirit when it starts to become downcast. Thank you for being the hands and feet of Christ to us as we are cruising along the "scenic route" of this incredible journey.

For those of you who have supported us in this journey thus far, I want to bless you with Psalm 37:25-26:

I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.

They are always generous and lend freely; their children will be blessed.

Homemade love

2009-02-07T19:04:00.003-05:00

A neighbor gave us this nightstand after it didn't sell from her garage sale a few summers ago. We tried to sell it in our sale and also tried Craigslisting it, but after seeing my sister-in-law paint a dresser and put new drawer knobs on it for my nephew, I thought a little blue paint leftover from Liam's room and some new knobs might just make this presentable for little dude. Liam, Elli, Addi and I sanded it all down and painted two coats of icy blue. Add some new knobs, and voila! Here is the before...

and after...

Even more special than our redoing this shelf for the little dude was what I found on and around it just a day or two after it had dried. Unbeknownst to me, the kids went through their toys and found things they thought their new brother might like or not have. They set all the toys, books, and a homemade card from Liam up all over and around the shelf.

I could kick myself for not snapping a picture of the shelf surrounded by toys the way the kids had set it up. I left it just how they had set it up thinking it would stay that way 'til "he" gets here, but a flash "flood" in the basement after Christmas had us snatching precious items out of the water and dragging them to dry ground. So all the toys are in a plastic container and the shelf is on the "dry" side of the basement so it'll stay that way 'til little dude gets home.

True confession

2009-02-04T17:00:00.004-05:00

by Jenna

I park in these spots occasionally. (I did it twice in a row today!)

I am expecting.

If anyone asks, I have an answer ready. "Number four, late spring or summer!"

No one has ever asked.

Sometimes, at the library people give me a funny glance. Not because they wonder if I'm preggo, but because the signs at the library say "Senior Citizen or Expectant Mother parking". I'm clearly NOT a senior citizen, but I doubt whether anyone has ever read to the bottom of the sign to see that it's also reserved for expectant mothers.

I assume that anyone who sees me parking in an expectant mother spot is thinking I am one of *those* mini van moms with 1-3 kids (depending on who is or isn't with me) who was too rushed or too lazy to park any farther away and trying to get a closer-up spot.

But they're wrong. (98% of the time)

Sometimes I just need to remind myself that I AM expecting. And parking in those spots helps it be just a little bit more real for me on the days that seem to be dragging or lagging while we're waiting.

Antcy

2009-01-29T10:46:00.004-05:00

by Jenna

I have to admit I've stopped being a good, patient waiter. This being our first growing-our-family-via-adoption rather than by childbirth.

See, in all of my pregnancies, I was in charge. There was an end date in sight. If I hemmed and hawed enough, I could get my doctor to order an ultrasound and we could look at our child. Every month I got to hear baby's heartbeat. I could see him or her growing in my ever-expanding belly. There were kicks, hiccups, stretch marks, and crazy alien-like movements underneath my tummy-skin that were always reminding me of the coming little one.

This time, there is no physical proof that there is a little one headed our way. I can't raise a ruckus and schedule an ultrasound to take a peek at the little guy. I can't hear his heartbeat through a blob of jelly and the doctor's microphone. I can hear it in my mind, but it's so abstract and intangible. I can't schedule a due date and know the waiting and wondering will be over.

It's been 8 months since we started our process. We should be in the "home stretch" by now. In my mind I was imagining that our adoption would simulate a pregnancy in length of time. That in about 10 months we'd be headed to pick up the newest member of our family.

But here we sit. 5th in line. No picture to look at. Right now it looks like even if we received a referral this week, a court date wouldn't be scheduled until mid-April. Even if we passed court the first time, we wouldn't be traveling until May or June. Even this overly-zealous scenario makes this a 12 month process. Not the 10 month one I had all planned out in my head. The one my physical body is used to for producing a child.

So although we're only in our 8th month, I'm WAY overdue. And although my body isn't big and bulky like in pregnancy, my mind is cumbersome and burdened enough to slow me down as if it were a swollen belly and ankles. It's at this point in a pregnancy that family and friends are checking in all the time, "how are you feeling? anything happening yet? what's your due date again? are you ready? aren't you so excited? do you have your bag all packed?"

But for us, there is nothing. Just more waiting. Trusting. Trying to overcome the emotional weariness this elongated process, with its financial rather than physical implications, has rewarded us in some new "silver" hairs.

This time next year, when little dude is running around causing us laughter and tears I won't even remember this emotionally pregnant moment. Except through this post, and the empathy I will have with other waiting families sitting in this vastly empty but expectantly hopeful place that we are in right now.

Hep B #3 complete and a donut treat

2009-01-26T13:27:00.002-05:00

Today I got my final Hep B immunization shot. I am done with shots before traveling. My kids have 1 more shot each to finish out their inoculations.

My 2 daughters and I went to get my final shot, and checked on their immunization schedules while we were waiting. They were both due for some shots. Addi got 3 and Elli endured a whopping 6 shots today. Little do they know that in a month they'll be headed back for their final Hep shots.

During their shots, the girls let out some high-pitched screams despite trying to be brave. They each got a wad of stickers, plenty of band-aids, and afterwards we went to the grocery store and they each picked out a donut to enjoy in the car on the way home to help them forget all about the shots.

The nurse giving all of the shots said to me (over the sound of two little girls wailing and yelping), "you've been through so much already today that there will be no charge for your Hep B shot" (approx $45). That was an extremely nice gesture and, in my estimation, great customer service. And my justification for spending $1.35 on the donuts.

Sun-Dried Shirkina by Starbucks

2009-01-23T09:11:00.002-05:00

Tonight we're going to do a coffee tasting with my brother, Greg, who is a coffee master at Starbucks. He gave us a bag of this coffee for Christmas. It came in a copper-colored tin and is not a full pound of coffee. This is a Starbucks "black apron exclusive". It's rare, exotic and cherished. He asked us not to open it or try it until we could taste it with him as he has not yet tasted it. It's not a bag of coffee you just rip open to taste. It's special. So tonight it will be special to taste it together as family.

The people of Ethiopia believe coffee is their gift to the world and celebrate it in daily ceremonies involving family, friends, and neighbors--this is one Ethiopian way of life we will have no problem integrating into our everyday family life. We are so proud that my brother works for Starbucks, a company that respects and is doing a lot to partner with Ethiopia to help share one of their beautiful resources and rituals--coffee.

One of the last groups of families to go to Ethiopia to pick up their children got to tour a coffee farm and experience a traditional coffee ceremony. I am so hoping we will get to experience that on our trip as well.

Ethiopians consume roughly half of their total annual coffee production - approximately five million 60-kilo bags. Most coffee is grown in small backyard "coffee gardens" using organic farming practices and is sold using a regulated auction system. This coffee comes from the partnership between Starbucks and the members of the Sidamo Farmers Cooperative Union (SCFCU), a federation of 87,000 small farms. Three SCFCU coopers began an experiment in 2003 to sun-dry (natural process) the finest red cherries instead of wet milling them first under Starbucks direction. This "natural" method, usually applied to inferior cherries by poor farmers who can't afford wet wills, risking wasting the valuable red fruit. However, by 2005, the process produced an exotic flavor, earning the SCFCU a Starbucks Black Apron Exclusive quality award and premiums for farmers of 40-60 above the price for other naturally dried cherries. Those prices, in turn, triggered a small investment boom in additional drying capacity for red cherries in Sidamo and elsewhere, promising to maximize income for the poorest farmers.
(Earth Moment)

Cinco

2009-01-22T19:36:00.002-05:00

We are number five. We cannot wait. I get goosebumps just typing this.

Tonight the kids asked when they would get to see pictures of their baby brother. I wish I could tell them a more definite answer, but they understand the number 5. It is how old Liam is. It is the number of fingers on your hand. It's a small number.

We are counting down. He's so close. He might even be at the orphanage right now. Or at least on his way there soon. We can start praying even more specifically for him. For health and safety. For transitions. For physical exams. For nutrition. For friends at the orphanage. For his caregivers. For everyone praying and working to bring us together as a family.

Our hearts drop just a little

2009-01-15T08:26:00.003-05:00

The exuberance we felt at having moved up on the waiting list was marred just a little bit at an emergency meeting at our adoption agency last night. I attended while Dan stayed home with the kids. I attempted to keep him informed via text messages during the meeting. He wrote this compelling post on his blog and I thought I ought to share it with you so you can be praying for us as we trust God to provide and work everything out in His timing. We had previously been operating under a "the longer it takes, the more $ we can save up for the adoption", but now that paradigm has been changed for us to "the longer it takes, the more $ it will cost us".

8:35PM Dan: Did you make it?
8:38PM Jenna: Just in time
8:45PM Jenna: This
is not good.
8:55PM Dan: Yikes! Money?
8:56PM Jenna: Yup 2 to 3 grand
extra fees
8:57PM Dan: Wow
8:57PM Jenna: Yeah
9:18PM Jenna: 1000 due
Feb 1
9:19PM Dan: 4 what? At least we have it
9:21PM Jenna: Just because
they need money. Extra 250 to 500 quarterly
9:22PM Jenna: We are their
bailout.
9:24PM Dan: That’s what I was just about to write.

Over the course of an hour tonight, Jenna let me in on what was happening at the waiting families’ meeting at our adoption agency tonight. As you have read, it wasn’t exactly the news we wanted to hear at this point in our adoption journey.

I’m not sure that I ever thought of the economy affecting something like adoption. Yet it does. In the past several months, adoption agencies all over the country have had to close their doors even with waiting families in the wings. Internationally wait times are longer. There are plenty of children that need a home, but there are also governments that are greedy and corrupt.
In adoption, a lot of the costs are handled up front: application fees, home studies, payments for dossiers, etc. But once you start waiting, you don’t pay anything more until you accept a referral. At this point, you pay the rest.

When families are waiting for two and three years, at some point they reach a milestone at which they pay nothing for a long time, which under normal circumstances isn’t usually an issue because usually agencies are cyclical, a family is finished as a family is waiting as another is coming into the system. However, in our economy, people need to eat and pay for shelter, clothing, much less make major financial commitments like international adoption. I think you see where I’m going with this. Adoption agencies aren’t making any money because people aren’t adopting and those that are have paid everything they will pay for a long time.

The cycle is broken.

Agencies can’t afford to stay open while families wait.
Agencies (perhaps more than people who make stupid billion dollar business decisions) need a bailout.

And now the question becomes, “What do we do?”

The answer is obvious. We continue the journey.

Just because the adoption will cost more, doesn’t mean that God has taken away the calling. Everything up to this point has been so easy, and this will not be hard. This is where real trust comes into play… and prayer. The more we wait, the more we pay. So YOU can help and pray that we move up in line as quickly as possible. Pray that we will receive our referral in the next two months. We know it could happen, and it would save us a decent amount of cash.

It’s crazy. I don’t know his name. I don’t know what he looks like. But he already has a place in my heart and a stocking for the mantle. We’re so close that I can see him sitting on the couch in front of me as I write this. And yeah, he’s not going away. He’s coming home. I don’t care what it takes; I’m bringing him home.

Number 7!

2009-01-08T10:24:00.003-05:00

We are officially in the single digits as family # 7 on the waiting list.

Last night as I was praying with Elli and Liam and thanking God for all the great things they had (warm bed, safe house, two blankets to keep them warm at night, etc. I couldn't help but wondering what, if anything, their brother has in his life that is good right now) I just felt so compelled to pray for him too. Elli was asking all kinds of questions, like, "is he sleeping right now too?" I tried to recall the time difference in Africa and told her he was probably sleeping, but that it was about to be his morning time and he would probably be waking up soon because the sun would be coming up soon where he lives so far away from us. She had a hard time understanding the concept of different time zones, but granted I probably didn't do a very good job of explaining it.

Getting the news today that we had moved up the list made me realize that although he's so far away and everything about him is unknown to us, we can still be praying for Him. God's keeping an eye on him for us.

Next Christmas

2009-01-01T21:41:00.002-05:00

We are starting to feel a bit more relieved that our adoption agency isn't "going under". And that we will, indeed, have our little dude home by next Christmas.

I was determined that he would have a stocking holder and stocking to go with the rest of ours for next Christsmas. We were able to find a holder that goes great with the other kids' stocking holders. But we are having a very hard time finding a knit stocking.

(Background: 9 years ago Dan and I bought a fabulous pair of maroon and grey knit stockings from J. Crew. When Liam and Elli came along, J. Crew didn't make/sell the knit stockings anymore and we had a hard time finding any knit stockings to go with ours. One year we stumbled upon dusty blue and cream knit stockings at Marshall Fields and bought two--the boys could have blue and the girls could have red. Since Addison was unexpected, we were unprepared stocking-wise for her. 2 years ago I found knit stockings at T.J. Maxx and bought a maroon and cream one for her. Now that the adoption is looming, our stockings are all amock again.)

Having visited myriad stores again this season, I've found that everywhere I go everything is sewn--flannel, suede, leather, felt, sequins, silk, but no knit! This one from Target ($1.75) has a tiny knit, but then it's cut and sewn (pfbht) has sequins on it (gack!) and it's much smaller than all of ours in size. It was the best we could do--it'll get us by for next Christmas and give us a good long time to look for a proper knit stocking that will go with the rest of ours.

Dan even offered to take the small stocking and give little dude the same blue stocking as Liam so the boys' stockings will match. We'll get it all worked out. We do have 358 days to figure it all out...

Unknown in '09

2008-12-30T13:46:00.002-05:00

We've been traveling to the east coast and back for almost 2 weeks visiting family for the holidays as a "last hurrah" before the new little fella comes and we hunker down to "family" for a while.

When we returned to our pile of mail, we opened all the Christmas cards we had missed receiving while we were gone, and one very ominous letter from our adoption agency.

The letter from the agency begins with an allusion to the story "The Perfect Storm" and ends with a schedule of mandatory meetings for all waiting families to attend in the New Year. The middle talks about what we are all experiencing due to the economy--having to cut back, financial uncertainty, etc. It also vaguely hints at some very unpleasant possibilities for those of us who have begun our adoption journey.

We sit with nothing more than speculation and scenarios bombarding our already-weary minds. Will the agency be shutting down? Will waiting families be told, "oh well. We're sorry. There's no more money, there will be no more adoptions via this agency." Will our wait time double? Triple? Quadruple? Will they ask us to give them more money? Will the rates increase? Will God provide? Is this a closed door? We just have no idea...

One bright spot was an announcement today from a family we are friends/co-workers with who has been waiting for yearS for another infant via domestic adoption by our same adoption agency. This family announced today that "IT'S A BOY--and we pick him up tomorrow"!

I'm flooded with relief that even in the tough times, and after agonizing waiting, at the 11th hour (their Home Study expires in Feb '09) God can still bring families together. I'm also jealous, because I WANT ONE. I'm worried about not knowing whatever it is that I don't know and won't know until our agency meeting. And I want my little dude so our family can be complete.

I was SURE we would get our referral in '08 and pick him up in '09. Now, I'm not so sure. I am sure, however, that this adoption was meant to be. And that God will make a way for it to happen when it's supposed to. (Which, according to my timetable, was supposed to be YESTERDAY...ok, I'll even settle for TOMORROW...*sigh*)

You asked, I answered

2008-12-19T09:06:00.002-05:00

The most frequent question I get about the adoption is, "what made you decide to adopt?" Here's a long version I sent to an old pal that I thought ought to make it onto this blog as well. by Jenna

(Warning--I'm a writer, this will probably be long) OK, here's some background info on the adoption. I guess it's been a "secret desire" of mine for a very, very long time. I don't even know where it came from, but I've always wanted to adopt.

After Dan and I were married a few years I tested the waters with him and said, "what would you think about adopting?". He gave the typical man answer of, "well, if we can't have kids of our own...we can think about it". So, I kind of tucked it away and figured maybe we weren't meant to adopt, because it's gotta be a two-person thing.

We got pregnant with Liam about a year earlier than we had hoped--I was 1/2 way thru a Master's program and Dan was still fulltime in seminary, working parttime, and I was the breadwinner...oops. It was CRAZY the tension I felt going back to work fulltime and also trying to be a mom. I did it for about 6 months then decided to work from home doing data entry (which, by the way stunk and I was no good at). An opportunity came to work from home doing writing, and I jumped at it.

I got pregnant again when Liam was about 9 mos old and Dan, my doctor and I realized that I had gone through some serious Postpartum depression (PPD) after Liam, but hadn't realized what it was at the time. We were a lot more aware of it through the second pregnancy. We had Elli and I was doing great until my work called me (2 weeks after baby was born and day before Thanksgiving) to say "now you have 2 kids, you're probably too busy to write for us, so we're going to let you go and bring the writing back in-house". I immediately called my doctor and told her I was crashing again and requested a majorly upped dosage of medication for PPD as I felt myself spiraling. Round 2 of PPD was twice as bad as round 1 had been.

As I was slowly coming out of the grey mess that PPD wreaks on a mom, we started talking about making sure no more pregnancies ergo no more PPD and that even if we were "done having kids" if we felt our family was still missing members adoption was definitely a viable option. 2 months before the appointment to get my tubes tied, I took 6 pregnancy tests that all came out positive yet I was sure were all wrong. How could I be pregnant again? So, this time I experienced a very traumatic bout of "perinatal mood disorder"--which means I was struggling emotionally throughout the entire pregnancy as well as afterward. This was one of the times I just sat down and had it out with God. I didn't understand how I could relate to Him as a woman--living in a body He had never lived in--He came as a man and here I was carrying a baby I didn't want and being a Christian at the same time. Shocking! And horribly confusing. Shameful. Not something you can share with everyone.

I had sought out support groups and found one through the local hospital for people struggling with postpartum mood disorders. There was amazing support, encouragement, and healing happening in that room full of hurting people. Everyone was so honest! This was a huge avenue of community for me. Even when I didn't feel God near, I just knew He was. And I found myself wondering how any of the people in this room were able to find any hope without God.

So I started another support group that met in our church nursery. I kept attending the hospital group, and a lot of people who hadn't been in a church in years (or ever) felt welcome to come sit in rocking chairs and be real with each other. I started a blog that gave me an avenue for writing as therapy that touched and helped a lot of people even though I really wrote it for myself. I've "graduated" from the support group and handed it off to another gal who is keeping it going, I've gotten to speak to various groups about PPD and was even asked to be on the Montel Williams show, but just wanted to move on and not make a lifetime career of being a PPD advocate. (By the way, although I didn't think I wanted Addison, God knew we needed her. She is the happiest, easiest, most joyful little soul ever--when I felt too crummy to even cry, she was always smiling at me with her little dimple--truly a gift).

In the meantime, Dan got to travel to Africa with church and shared about what he saw out in "the bush". How tribes basically took care of each other--family was key, there were kids w/o parents because of Aids etc, but they were taken care of by the tribe. We got to travel to Africa again together the following summer, but were in a more cultivated area and visited a children's home run by a Christian man who sold his business and started a home for street kids. He currently has 1,200 kids, their home is 80% self-sufficient, and each child is educated then given a trade, chance to go to university, and even given a small-business loan to start their own business. During all the civil upheaval in Kenya, this children's home has been feeding thousands of people in their community every day in addition to all their kids and workers. It is a place of modern-day miracles. Being there was eerie and surreal, because of things God had done there that just didn't seem possible. FCA so turned me off to anything supernatural, so it was just almost creepy to see a well full of fresh water that should not be because of the sheer rock tectonic plates beneath it, or how the soil on the home is black with richness and yielding an unprecedented 4-6 crops a year when the neighbors' soil 3 yards away is clay red and produces 1 and maybe 2 crops per year.

Anyway, seeing all the orphans at the home put skin on the bones of our theory that there are "kids out there without families". We came home and gave it a year so we weren't making decisions on the tail of a highly emotional experience. We were enjoying a weekend at my parents cabin and I jokingly said, "I think Liam needs a little brother" and Dan said "I do too". I said, "are you sure?" and he said, "yes". So that Monday I did research on agencies and faxed an application to the one we felt matched us. They contacted us back and asked where we wanted to adopt from. We didn't have any idea, but just said, "we think we're a good family, and if there are kids that need families, we are open". They put us through a grid (finances, wait time, etc--for instance, some countries will only let you adopt the opposite gender, since we had both a boy and girl, we were not eligible to adopt from those countries, since I had been through PPD I had experienced a "mental illness", and we were exempted from some countries because of that, we did not want a newborn and the competition of being in "the book" waiting for a birthmom to choose us, so could not adopt locally through our agency, etc.)

After going through all those criteria, the lady said, "it looks like Ethiopia is the only country you can adopt from at this time", and we replied, "we've been to Africa twice and loved it, so that would be cool". She said, "why didn't you tell me that in the first place?", but we really wanted to be open to whatever God had for us. That was just affirmation.We started the process knowing that at any time they could say that we weren't fit or approved, or if we ran out of money we'd halt the process. But it has gone amazingly swift and smooth, every time a ginormous bill is due we have the money to pay for it (we committed to paying cash as we are debt-free except for our mortgage). It doesn't make sense at all, but God must want it to happen because He seems to be making it all work out so far.

My family was pretty stupefied when we told them. They were most worried about my mental health and the costs and wondering "why we wanted to do this?". I think they were a little caught off guard that there would be a black child in the family, but they've been so supportive and needed a little education but have come around fully and are so excited along with us. We've had to go through all manner of microscopic examination to make this happen, and education out the wazoo about becoming a "conspicuous family". But we think and hope that we'll pave the way for other families to go out on a limb and maybe do the same.

Personally, I don't understand the whole "we are adopted into God's family" thing. And because I'm such an experiential learner, I'm hoping this adoption will help me understand it more fully as well as give me a chance to emulate Christ's sacrifice for me to become a part of His family.

2008-12-17T16:24:00.002-05:00

We have moved up one more spot on the list.

A 7 month old boy got a new family today.

What a reason to celebrate!

I must admit I've programmed our Adoption Agency's phone number into my cell phone and am starting to carry my phone with me everywhere in case we should get "the call".

Sorry. You are not a winner.

2008-12-11T20:36:00.002-05:00

by Jenna

I must admit I've been a bit bummed out about all things adoption lately. Seeing scads of referrals go out but only moving up one spot on the list was a bit mind-boggling. And not in a good way. Although I'm really happy for all the families that are uniting and excited for them, my math-minded brain is crunching numbers and things aren't coming out quite "right".

I don't like it when things are out of my control and I can't know all the details--I always think the worst, get very skeptical, and assume something is unfair to my disadvantage. What a bad attitude, huh? Although this is pretty raw and honest, so is the fact that after these initial thoughts and insecurities, I am able to bundle up all the negativity and hand it over to God swapping it for His peace and joy instead. What a deal!

Today we got a letter to let us know we would not be receiving a grant we had applied for almost 3 months ago. We were initially pretty discouraged, but both Dan and I shrugged our shoulders and both agreed that there must be another way God is going to provide. We'll put the letter in the file, and that's the end of that. No obsessing, no grousing, no lengthy discussion about whether or not we keep going with the process, no frantic calls for help or putting everything in sight up for sale. Just faith. Huh.

As I was re-thinking through today's events, this verse came to mind. Although yes, I'm definitely disappointed at how slowly we seem to be moving up the waiting list compared to others who seem to be zooming along AND not being chosen for a grant we really thought would come through, we're not defeated. Confused yes, but not done in.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair ...
2 Corinthians 4:8 (NIV)

Sitting tight at #11

2008-12-08T13:22:00.000-05:00

Despite all the referrals that we've seen go out in the past 2 weeks, we still have 10 families ahead of us open to a male or either gender around 0 - 2 years.

I think the referrals we were seeing were for those waiting for "infants". So although we thought we might have moved up to #8 on the list, I guess the families that received referrals were in a different line.

We'll sit tight and keep waiting.

Moving on up--single digits maybe?

2008-12-05T19:37:00.001-05:00

It's been a crazy past few weeks here. With an impromptu trip to Oklahoma for my 2 1/2 year old and I, then a road trip to New Jersey for my Grandfather's funeral, and coming home to snow and a huge church event, we're barely surviving and craving a whole lot of sleep. (Not to mention so thankful we are in the waiting phase rather than the paperwork phase--we have all we can handle on our plates right now.)

As I'm reading through my e-mails and trying to count all the referrals that happened while we were gone, I'm estimating that we might have moved up 2-3 spots on the list. I'm waiting for the official "place in line" from our awesome Ethiopian adoption team at our agency.

I'll post the official number when we get the word, but I'm going to guess that we are about 8th in line now. If referrals keep up at this pace, we may know what our little guy looks like in 2008. We are content in God's timing, and thrilled to see the numbers falling off like the Wal-mart price roll-back commercials. Because that means there are kids with families...and families with kids. Soul-thrilling.

#11

2008-11-19T13:38:00.002-05:00

Someone in our Yahoo group shared that they had just accepted a referral for a little boy. I'm assuming that means we get to "move up" one place in line.

So, as far as we can tell, we are approximately 11 on the list of families waiting to meet their children.

That was some good news on a very cold and dreary day. Thank you Lord for the little things that help pick up our spirits.

#12

2008-11-17T16:16:00.003-05:00

So, we are approximately twelfth-ish on the waiting list. Since there are many families ahead of us open to either gender and/or with a wide range of age possibilities, that number could be way off in either direction.

If nothing else, it gives us a number to at least know we hold a place in line.

Lots of people have been asking if we have any idea about how long we will wait before being sent a referral. We really have no idea. We wish we could say "one month" or "6 months" or at least have an idea of a range, but the truth of the matter is that things are so crazy and complicated over there right now, that there is just no way whatsoever to predict. There are other families that have been on the waiting list for over a year who probably never imagined they would be waiting that long.

The official answer is "You will generally receive your referral within two to nine months after your dossier is sent to Ethiopia, depending on the age, number, and gender of children you would like to adopt. Once you accept your referral, court will happen in approximately two months. You can then travel about four to five weeks after court."

So, once we have a referral, we'll have a few months of really intense waiting. Right now we're in a very relaxed waiting period. We're anxious to know our new little guy, but we're thoroughly enjoying our final experiences together as a family of 5.

FAST

2008-11-09T20:28:00.002-05:00

Friday afternoon we were notified that our dossier had made it through all the proper channels in DC and was back at our adoption agency already!

WOW!

That Assistant Stork doesn't mess around.

We are approximately 12th on the list of families waiting for a referral of a little boy.

And now...we wait.

Bouncing around in DC

2008-11-07T13:35:00.002-05:00

So our dossier is currently bouncing around in Washington, DC. We sent it to a courier service called The Assistant Stork, who will hand-deliver our documents to the US Department of State then the Ethiopian Embassy to get their authentication. Once this is done, the "Stork" will send our dossier back to our adoption agency, who will then overnight it to Ethiopia.

Once it arrives in Ethiopia, our agency will notify us. This is important because we will then officially be added to "the list" of families waiting to adopt a child. Once we are on "the list", we can get an idea of what number we are on the waiting list, whether we are 5, 15, or 25. This will help us gauge how long we can expect to wait before being introduced to the new little guy we are expecting to come join our family.

Dossier sent--check!

2008-11-03T16:34:00.002-05:00

Here's our "bling". All shiny and lined up in the back of my parent's Jeep outside the Fed-Ex/Kinko's just before I stuffed them into an envelope and sent them off to the Assistant Stork.

I'm relieved and excited. And a tiny bit of me is saying, "you were in such a hurry to get this sent that you probably forgot to put something in the packet." Well, we'll see. We're hoping that our dossier will make its rounds in DC getting authenticated quickly, and that by next Monday it'll be on its way overseas to Ethiopia.

2008-11-01T10:18:00.004-04:00

Still waiting for the doctors office to get our health certificates notarized. Just a further realization that things are SOOOOO out of my hands. And trying to be patient with people.

I have a friend who is pregnant and was due on Oct 24. She's still waiting to have her baby. I kinda know what she feels like. We've been working our hearts out to get every little detail for our dossier completed in a timely manner. And everything is done. Our "due date" arrived and passed about 2 weeks ago. When we had everything in our hands we needed EXCEPT these two letters.

I know everything is in God's timing and the "extra" wait time is a chance to grow and glorify God in the process rather than sitting around grousing and getting angry, bitter, and frustrated. By being polite to the people who are causing me angst, I'm pleasing God. And that's what this life is all about anyway.

How to say hello to our little boy

2008-10-28T19:44:00.003-04:00

I wanted to learn how to say "hello" in Amharic so we will all know how to say "hi" to our new little guy in his language when we meet him. I read this book (and stumbled and fumbled through a whole lot of the different languages and their greetings) to the kids tonight before bedtime.

I told the kids saying hello to your new brother will be like saying "salami" without the "ee" on the end. You try too!

Still waiting for 2 things for our dossier

2008-10-28T08:18:00.004-04:00

3 phone calls in 2 weeks. Trying to politely say, "these are the last 2 documents we are waiting for so we can send all the paperwork for our adoption to Ethiopia". Trying NOT to say, "What is going on over there?"

The lady in medical records re-assured me that, "they've made this a priority" and are trying to get these letters notarized correctly (as in, the date the letters are signed matches the date the letters are notarized) and that they will call me as soon as they are completed.

In my head, I keep thinking "please not Thursday, Thursday is jam-packed, please any day but Thursday".

So, I'm completely anticipating that they'll be ready on Thursday.

As soon as I get that call, I will pick them up, fax them to our agency, then take our stack of paperwork to "The Office of the Great Seal" to get everything sealed.

The next post/picture you see on here *should* be a bunch of documents covered in gold seals.

Amharic (Ahm-HAR-ick)

2008-10-24T09:03:00.006-04:00

I checked out the "Concise Amharic Dictionary" from the library because we've 'heard' through our Yahoo group that most of the kids from the orphanage we will be adopting through understand Amharic. So we're hoping to learn a few phrases and maybe even teach the kids a few as well to help our little dude's transition go smoothly. Not to mention the double-digit hour plane rides.

Extra perk, we can look up words we could use for names. A lot of people have asked whether we will change his name or keep it. That's hard to answer not knowing "him", or his current name. We'll have a few ideas in place, but very likely they will honor his heritage by being an Ethiopian name or derivative.

Money Troubles (by the way, I highly recommend these Bill Cosby books)

2008-10-20T11:36:00.004-04:00

This goes out to all the people whose breath sucks in a little shorter and whose hearts beat a little faster when you start looking at adoption and the total out-of-pocket costs you will face.

If someone asks me how much our adoption is costing, I tell them. We are very open about our finances. It is one system we have put in place to help keep us accountable to not slip back into our 'old ways'.

I wanted to post what my husband wrote today as a word of encouragement to anyone out there who is in the process of adopting (ergo penny-pinching, re-vamping your budget, wondering how to kindly tell friends & family that you are going to have to skimp or skip out altogether on holiday gifts this year because every dollar goes toward bringing your child home, filling out grant applications, doing fundraisers, getting second jobs to help pay for the process, submitting proposals for adoption assistance to your or your spouse's workplace, asking friends and family for help towards your expenses, or filling out paperwork for a loan) and needed to know that finances should never be the determining factor of growing your family.

by Dan

For the past few days I’ve been working on some adoption grant applications. These in all honesty are some of the most thorough applications I’ve ever filled out. Literally, it wasn’t this hard to get on staff at church. But it’s worth it in the long run, and I completely understand that when dealing with donated funds, you can never be to careful and need to be sure that no one is taking advantage of your generosity.

The one I worked on last night had us list all of the expenses for the adoption, from international fees to travel to agency fees to… in the other column we needed to list how we’re paying for all of those fees.

I started tallying what we’ve already put down on this adventure and was completely blown away at God’s faithfulness to the process. With all of money leaving our accounts, we haven’t really noticed it missing, especially not the grand total that I came up with last night.

I realized that when it’s right, it’s right. When God wants something to happen, it will happen. We’ve wanted new windows or a new kitchen or a front porch or all three for that matter but never could pull the trigger. Those things never felt right. This did, and we said “go.”

We know that God did too.

I say this because God deserves the glory. I don’t know where the money has come from except from his hands. And as we head into paying the remainder of the fees, we know beyond any shadow of any doubt that God will provide every last penny.

He is the author of the pains in our heart that lead us to choose to have an Ethiopian boy come live with us forever. He alone will see the process to completion.

I am beyond thankful right now.

(signed) SEALED (delivered)

2008-10-18T20:12:00.001-04:00

Our first gold seal arrived today. This is my birth certificate.
Officially sealed by the commonwealth of Pennsylvania.

Just waiting for Dan's birth certificate
and our marriage license to come back sealed
before we can send all our paperwork off to Ethiopia.

Visa Photos…

2008-10-17T20:30:00.002-04:00

by Dan

I really am fit to adopt a child. I’m really not as scary as I look in this picture. I promise!

What is it with passport photos anyway… why do they always look like mugshots?

Why didn’t I at least give a sort of smile?!

Too late now… In just a few days we’ll be sending 6 of each of these to Ethiopia!!

Referrals have been coming to waiting families in the past few days. We’re thinking praying that this will go fast once our Dossier is in country.

Pray with us!

What to pray

2008-10-14T09:47:00.005-04:00

One of my dear friends asked what she could pray about in regards to the adoption and the little boy who is most likely born by now and living in Ethiopia.

I told her my main prayers right now were mainly for nutrition. That he is getting food and water. That his mom is getting food and water so she can feed him. Many of the women in Africa who give birth are so starved that they are unable to lactate, which causes their infants to perish.

So, I'm praying for nutritious food for mom and little dude. I selfishly pray that he's being loved and cared for, not seen as a burden or a nuisance. That his mom, auntie, siblings or whoever is at least is trying to take good care of him. Play with him, hold him, love him, stimulate him so that he's growing and as healthy and happy as can be.

I pray those prayers confusedly. Because if he has food to eat and a loving caring family, then what is going to happen in his life that will bring him to an orphanage and finally into our family? I don't want to think about those circumstances. So I pray that whatever trauma is happening or about to happen in his life is gentle. That somehow he's oblivious or immune. That he's protected no matter what is going on around him.

2 great things came in the mail today

2008-10-10T15:37:00.003-04:00

We were out running errands all afternoon from 12:15 'til 3:15. So we weren't here when the mail was delivered. We saw a box inside our front door and I guessed that it was the Cabbage Patch we had won from e-bay to give to our little guy when he arrives.

But little did I dare to dream that TWO great things could come in the mail on the same day. I saw the return address of the "Department of Homeland Security" and started to run inside. Dan met me in the garage--"I think this could be it", I said as I thrust the letter into his hands. He ripped it open and there it was.

We read it...and were totally confused. Did we have to do something else? Were we approved? Not approved? Is this the 'official' letter? After a few deep breaths and slowing down to read the actual letter, we came to the conclusion that this was, indeed, what we had been waiting for.

Now we're really going to be watching the mail and waiting for the birth certificates and marriage license we had to send to the east coast to get sealed by their states of origin.

We won!

2008-10-07T20:50:00.003-04:00

I've been e-baying for months to find one of these, and tonight we finally won a bid that was in our price range. My Little Ethiopian Boy (MYLEB) has his first toy.

Also, L, E, A and I have been re-finishing a little nightstand/bookshelf for MYLEB. Yesterday we sanded it down and put on the first coat of primer. Today we put on a coat of very light blue paint (leftover from painting L's room)

Tomorrow we'll put on a second coat. After it's nice and dry, I'll paint the kids' hands and let them each stamp their hands somewhere on the bookshelf so MYLEB will know who it's from.

We're hoping to fill it with books and toys for him then take a picture and send the picture to him at the orphanage once we know who he is. He'll be able to look forward to having his own little bookshelf & Cabbage Patch toy. Each of our kids has a Cabbage Patch doll that looks just like them, so we decided that MYLEB needed one too. Even though we don't know what he will look like, we can guess. And this little dude was awfully cute!

Re-do

2008-10-07T15:28:00.002-04:00

Oh bummer! We have some more work to do for our dossier paperwork. Apparently our birth certificates and marriage license need to be mailed to the state of origin to be 'sealed'. Ugh. That means depending on the mail, processing time, and fees.

We also need to have our physician's health clearance letters re-written and notarized, our reference letters notarized for the same date that they were written, and a typo fixed and a document re-written and re-notarized.

I am so grateful that we have the most phenomenally patient, easy-going, flexible, easily available, and affordable notary serving our adoption notarization needs.

Now people, I've got some work to do...

A once over

2008-10-03T19:14:00.001-04:00

Today we are faxing our dossier paperwork to our adoption agency so they can give it a look-see and make sure we have everything filled out correctly, all the pieces necessary, etc.

All of it, that is, except the long-anticipated I 171-H letter. Once it arrives, we'll copy it and add it to the stack of everything else that is signed.

Once that arrives, we'll be able to take our stack to have it 'sealed'.

Next will be to hand it off to a courier service to make sure it gets hand-delivered to the person in Washington, DC who deals with international adoptions and authenticates all our documents before sending them off to Ethiopia.

We're so close. I can't wait to start officially waiting.

In my face

2008-09-30T22:29:00.002-04:00

I feel like everywhere I look these days, I am seeing what I am anticipating.

For instance, I ran to the grocery for a few last-minute before dinner items. Walking out of the grocery store was a woman with long blonde hair who looked to be just a tad bit older than me carrying a toddler with a head of curly dark hair and beautiful brown skin. I felt like I was walking towards a mirror of what I anticipate looking like within the next year. (Not the slightly older part, but you get what I'm saying).

It took all that was in me not to run up to her and accost her about how old he was, where he was from, etc. Because I realized, I wouldn't do that if she can been carrying a white child. She was probably just running to the store like any normal person and didn't want to be "snap-shotted" and accosted in the parking lot by a crazed to-be mom of a little Ethiopian boy.

Maybe next year when we run into each other in the store our little boys will jibber-jabber to each other and we'll be able to have that conversation that I had to swallow and hold inside. Thank goodness for sensitivity training. Wish everyone could go through it.

Dan got to meet a family of family in our church family (whew--that's kinda complicated) who adopted 2 older kids from Ethiopia and he said it gave him chills. Good chills.

My mom sent me her pastor's daughter's e-mail who is headed back to Addis Ababa for the next year and expects to hear from us and help answer questions and possibly even take us around the city when we go to pick up our little dude.

Our friends have pictures of their little boy and are trying to expedite paperwork so they can go pick him up ASAP. And I'm so excited for them. It's starting to get real.

I feel like it's all around me. Or maybe I'm just more aware. I like having my eyes opened to new and different things and am so looking forward to them.

Stallling between first and second gear

2008-09-25T15:08:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow we get all of our remaining documents for the dossier notarized. Then we are truly just waiting for the I-171H to arrive in the mail to add to the packet and send on its merry way to Washington DC for verification before it is sent to Ethiopia.

(Not to mention I have 1 book to finish on attachment and bonding and a summary to write, one more book to read about raising adopted kids, and Dan has 2 books to read/write summaries for).

We want to start talking about plans for the holidays--whether we travel to visit family in NJ or OK, or whether we stay here and they come to us. But everything is on hold as we sit and wait for the mail to be delivered each day and continue to wait for that approval letter from the US Gov't.

It's hard being "on hold". I have so many checkmarks checked off our lists that I just want the list to be done and finished. I want that dossier in the mail. I want the REAL waiting to begin. Where I know I'll just be waiting for a phone call/e-mail that we have been matched to our son.

It gets especially hard when you know a friend has a picture of her son to look at and a name all picked out for him, and another calls from the hospital sharing that her son has been born. Mine has too, I just don't know anything about him yet and am antcy. I'm not good at waiting.

I am, however, taking the good advice my mother gave me. To revel in and enjoy this special time with "just three". Because once the little guy gets here we'll never be "just the five of us" again.

While waiting

2008-09-16T15:39:00.003-04:00

We are reading books. Here are some I picked up recently from the library:

A Family for Jamie: An Adoption Story by Suzanne Bloom

Did My First Mother Love Me?: A Story for an Adopted Child by Kathryn Ann Miller and Jami Moffett

Happy Adoption Day! by John McCutcheon and Julie Paschkis

We Belong Together: A Book About Adoption and Families by Todd Parr

Katie-Bo: An Adoption Story by Iris L. Fisher and Miriam Schaer

My new passport

2008-09-14T08:34:00.002-04:00

I braved the pouring rain yesterday about 30 seconds after the mail was delivered. There was Dan's long-anticipated "New Yorker" magazine (wait a minute, didn't another one come just last week?) and a certified envelope from the U.S. Government.

I was stymied at first. I thought, "could this really be our I-171H already?" And I was stumped as to why just my name was on the envelope and not Dan's too. And I was a bit nervous thinking it was way too soon for our golden ticket to arrive and maybe we forgot something or needed to re-do our fingerprints or were getting a denial letter. So, I did what any overly-curious person almost talking herself into a panic attack would do and took a deep breath (breathing is very important in warding off panic attacks) and ripped that puppy open.

Out came my new passport and some informational brochures. I almost threw the brochures right into the recycling, but then thought I might need to peruse them.

I'm glad I did. Now I know that my passport is "electronic"--it contains a chip for electronic processing...blah, blah, blah.

I wonder why my first thought was, "oh no! This is just like in Revelations. It's the beginning of the end! Soon everyone will have a chip in their Passport to identify/track them. The next step will be inserting that chip inside of people to cut down on paperwork as well as forgeries...and then we're all doomed!"

I should have just recycled the brochures immediately as was my first instinct.

I guess I read Revelations a few too many times at camp. Thankfully my mom is studying Revelations this year in her Precepts studies and can quell all my fears--right mom? I'm not so sure about this chip thingy, but I don't really get to have any say, do I?

I'm just glad my passport is now good for the next 10 years, and most importantly this next year so I'll be able to travel to pick up our little guy.

But be assured, the next letter that comes to us from the U.S. Gov't will be "the one".

I hope...

It's raining, it's pouring

2008-09-13T09:49:00.004-04:00

It's raining here. It's supposed to rain for the next 3 days. Ugh!

But that's nothing compared to what the rainy season in Ethiopia must be like. If their court system shuts down for 2 months for the "rainy season", then we should be able to easily bear 3 days of rain here.

I spent some time last night clicking on each of the family blogs we are allowed access to via our adoption agency of other families local to Grand Rapids, MI planning to adopt or that have already adopted from Ethiopia. I reveled in the pictures of the kids I saw, and each and every one was amazingly gorgeous with HUGE smiles and wide, bright eyes.

The words written by other families in their waiting time, sharing about their trips, or positive follow-ups after the adoption was complete citing that transitions and attachments are going well gave me encouragement that all the gloom and doom about attachment and bonding issues I'm currently reading isn't necessarily the norm in all adoptions.

Nevertheless, it is important to know all the things I'm reading/learning because there is so much relevant to everyday life with kids and in community. Bad and sad things happen all the time, and it's important to know how to help kids process them in a healthy way.

I'd love to sit and write more, but apparently there is an emergency in the basement--an Elmo DVD has slid underneath the portable de-humidifier. Super-mom to the rescue!

Free write

2008-09-11T11:12:00.004-04:00

I'm supposed to be emptying the dishwasher right now. But the kids are in the basement running cars down ramps, banging things around, and generally happy. So I thought I'd take advantage of a few minutes to write.

Every day I anxiously await the mail truck's arrival. I'm trying not to be obvious about my postal-delivery stalking. But there it is. I live on street with 80% of my neighbors being retirees and we all sit inside peeking outside our front windows for the mail to come. Then, one by one, when no one else is outside walking to their mailbox, we sneak out the door and reign in our gate to make it look like we're not sprinting towards the mailbox.

I'm waiting for a letter of any type from Shaohannah's Hope in regards to the grant we have applied for.

And, I'm trying not to get my hopes up about getting our I-171H approval letter back from the U.S. government. It's supposed to take about 3 months to process, and we got our fingerprinting done just 2 weeks ago, but this entire adoption process thus far has gone faster than fast and smoother than smooth. So I keep expecting sooner, faster, more.

I keep waiting for God to shut the process down, handing it back to Him every day and checking my heart at the door to keep it from getting hurt, and He brings it back with a little Post-It note surprise attached when I least expect it.

For instance:

My parents' pastor's daughter has lived and worked in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia for the past 3 years and can't wait to get connected with us--maybe even take us around the city when we go to pick up the little guy.
Making a new friend, through an old college chum, who is also adopting from Ethiopia and at about the same stage in the process that we are.
Getting an unexpected check in the mail from over-paying our escrow last year.
Having our kids constantly aware and asking, "can we get our little brother now?

Speaking of kids...mine have lost their lovely playing-togetherness in the basement, so my writing time is up.

Doing some menial, secretarial tasks

2008-09-09T14:58:00.003-04:00

Today's task was to type up some cover letters for documents we will be sending to Washington, DC and ultimately Addis Ababa, Ethipia in the form of a dossier.

All three are typed up, printed out, and ready for our signatures.

That's three more checks off the list!

BUT, of course, typing these letters generated some more items to add to the list. Apparently we have to send pre-addressed mailers along with each of these letters/ document bundles. And writing one check and getting one money order the authentication stations.

Sigh--guess I'll be getting and addressing some mailers in the near future. And heading to the bank to obtain a money order. The check writing is quick and easy--especially since we've been doing a lot of it lately!

Amendment: I also typed up our Personal Attestation of Conditions and Post adoption agreement letter as well. I figured I was on a roll, might as well go ahead and check two more items off the list. Guess I'd better get an appointment with our notary scheduled soon...

Police backgroud checks passed!

2008-09-08T15:40:00.004-04:00

Today Dan and the kids and I cruised on over to our local Sheriff's department to get our local police background checks and clearance letters. These letters had to be on the local police department's letterhead and notarized.

Thankfully, our Sheriff's department is ultra organized. All we had to do was show them our drivers licenses, pay $5 for each background check, and voilà. We have two notarized background checks on local police department letterhead set and ready to go.

Check that off the list!

There are slowly becoming more things marked off the list than things yet to be done.

I'm making an appointment with Dan (he is one busy man) to sit down and read through the dossier paperwork to see what we need to read, fill out, sign, and have notarized while waiting for the US gov't approval letter to arrive. I'm thinking it'll be on its way here in a few weeks, so I want to have everything else done and waiting for that last piece of the puzzle.

Then, we get to go to the Office of the Great Seal (said in big, booming, Wizard of Oz-like voice)...

What? Me NOT wanting to read a book?

2008-09-04T15:39:00.003-04:00

I have my final two books in hand to satisfy our agency's requirement for adoption training. (btw Jen K, I need to get your Toddler Adoptin book back to you)

Yet, I am totally dis-interested in reading them.

I'm trying to figure out if it's because I'm lacking the faith that the US gov't will approve us to adopt? That I'm lazy? That I'm in the 'is this really happening or has it all been a dream' stage of waiting? That I feel like my little boy out there somewhere is so abstract and unfathomable that reading about how to attach and bond with him and how to raise him seems...inappropriate? That I'm worried we're going to have a catastrophe hit that will eat up our adoption savings and we'll have to put and end to this process? That if I read it all too soon I'll forget what I read when I really need to be using it?

I'm not quite sure why, but I know God's spirit isn't prompting me to read these books right now.

And as much as I love blazing through lists and checking off items as quickly as possible, this one is niggling me to just hold on and wait.