Thoughts on parenting our adopted child

This morning I put Taye in his room and told him to play with some toys while I took a shower. He stayed in there without complaining one bit and played.

When I was done showering I heard him saying, "Mah, I happy" (as in, I want to come out of my room).

I replied, "Just a few more minutes little man, mommy's getting dressed, OK?"

The next thing I knew, he was standing outside my door fully dressed (as in fresh underpants, pair of jeans, and shirt) holding his "bamas" (pajamas) saying, "look!". I gave him a high five, told him I was so proud of him for getting himself dressed all by himself, and smiled with joy as he headed to the laundry chute to put his pajamas in.

Seriously, how FAR we've come with this little guy. (Just look at the utter joy on his face! And it's not because of the chocolate cake he's eating, it's because he's playing peek-a-boo with one of his most favorite people on the planet. Which totally stumps me because as the boot camp instructor who wields what seems like constant scoldings, discipline, re-training, re-directing, "no-no's" and in moments of weakness yelling, I think he actually likes me!)

I am still trying to reconcile the "training him up in the way HE should go" part of parenting this special little guy. His firstborn, only child tendencies are so potently ingrained in him, yet in our family he's the "baby", and #4 in the lineup. These factors alone have contributed to quite a few bumps in the road for us all.

This parenting stuff sure isn't easy. And I fully recognize that I have been given everything it takes to do it well, otherwise I wouldn't have been given this calling. God will not give me more than I can handle, I just have to keep turning to Him every time I am floundering and let Him do what He does best without getting in the way.

I've never more fully understood how much God must ache when I react badly, act out, make poor choices, wall myself off, pout, lash out at someone else when I'm really just trying to work through something within myself that is broken or hurting, feign injury, throw a temper tantrum etc. than I have thanks to Mr. T. I'm sure apologizing to God a lot more, and a whole lot more grateful that, despite my issues and baggage, God always loves me, He chose me and sacrificed so, so, so much to make sure that I am part of His family with all the priveleges and benefits that entails. Trust me, it's blowing me right out of the water.

I've gotten new insight into the unfathomableness of God's character. This adoption thing isn't naturally instinctual. At least it's not for me. I've had to work at it. I think that's why adoption agencies require classes, training, instruction, support groups and lots and lots of reading. It's expected that you're going to be flummoxed, frustrated, confused, have questions and doubts, and be discouraged at times.

Not God. He's always totally loving. Not talking Himself into loving us. Not walking away when we won't look at Him, or when we look at Him with hatred and disdain, or when we blame Him for the circumstances we are in.

I'm trying to be more like Him in this regard with parenting my child who has lived another life, likely riddled with more challenges in his short months than we will ever face in our entire lifetimes, for longer than I've even known him. Giving up my own agenda for the higher calling of love.